tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88024073365162162562024-03-13T15:14:44.220-07:00The Coffee Klatch BlogThe Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-17900225703490360972011-05-01T05:10:00.000-07:002011-05-03T13:36:29.781-07:00A Promise Kept - Marianne Russo<h3 class="post-title entry-title" style="color: #1b0431; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">A Promise Kept</h3><div class="post-header" style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><div class="post-header-line-1"></div></div><div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-6131751709440619633" style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EzSgCUa106c/TZu-RhBYsrI/AAAAAAAAAEU/ifCMDIm3pgA/s1600/pinky+swear1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #473624; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: underline;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EzSgCUa106c/TZu-RhBYsrI/AAAAAAAAAEU/ifCMDIm3pgA/s320/pinky+swear1.jpg" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px;" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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Some promises are like pinky swears, little whims of a deed or intention to be kept. They started when we were children on the playground, in the school yard at pajama parties and created light hearted bonds of friendship. We were conditioned early to know the importance of "keeping promises" and the bonds that would be made or broken if not kept. These were lessons, good and bad, learned and felt, instilled in us to create loyalty and trust.<br />
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Some promises are made of love, passion and emotion. The promise to marry, to be there for good and for bad, through sickness and in health, to forsake all others and death do us part. The maturation of those little pinky swears taken to a completely different level and meaning. A promise often times impossible to keep. A promise that again teaches us, good and bad, learned and felt of the fragile nature of promises intended.<br />
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Some promises come from your soul. They are not always spoken, they are not given a ceremony, but they are there and they are the most important you will make. These are the promises we make to our special children. They are the ones born of a determination and courage that only a parent can know. These are the promises that keep us up at night and enduring all day. These are the promises, good and bad, learned and felt that we can never break. Why can't these promises be broken? It's simple. They come from our hearts in a place so deep they become a part of us.<br />
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I made a promise to myself and to my daughter, it seems like an eternity ago, of another lifetime. You will succeed, you will get through this, you will have the life you deserve and I will never give up on you.<br />
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For most parents this seems like a very typical promise to make to your child. For a parent with a special needs child struggling to function in a chaotic and frightening world it is anything but. These children test us to the limit. They test themselves to the limit. Every day of their lives is difficult, complex, dysregulated and gains are made in micro-doses. There are times we feel we will not be able to keep those promises we made. There were times I felt I would not be able to keep those promises I made. We not only fear our inability through our resounding inner thoughts but are often told by those we seek advice to adjust our expectations. To them I say, I totally agree. I totally agree that we need to adjust our expectations of how, when and where our children will make those incredible gains. I agree that we need to not only re-evaluate expectations but at times, many times, not have any. Most importantly I think we need to adjust our expectations of ourselves, who we are and for whom we are really setting them for in the first place. So yes, I agree our expectations need to be adjusted but never ever forfeited.<br />
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"You will get through this" a spoken promise. What was actually said was "You will get through this because I will be there for you, I see how much you are struggling and I will do whatever it takes, no matter what - we will get through this"<br />
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"You will succeed" an unspoken promise. Succeed is a subjective word. Success to one is something very different to another. For me success meant that my child will not only be educated, given the tools and acquired skills to get over her many hurdles, understood and accepted but most importantly respected for who she is. I don't measure her success with trophies or awards, class standing or popularity. I don't measure her success by others. I measure her success by her own personal achievements and mastery of her once deficits. Her success is her own and WE earned every drop of it.<br />
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"You will have the life you deserve" the promise too important to say aloud. The promise that says happiness will be yours for the taking.<br />
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Keeping these promises is no easy feat. The obstacles are enormous and parents are constantly put under a microscope. Special needs parents are often perceived as dramatic, unwavering, filled with a sense of entitlement, over reaching, and inflexible in their pursuit of accommodations and treatments for their children. We are a force to be reckoned with that's for sure. With the confidence that comes from becoming an informed educated parent we learn not only every nuance of our child's disorder or disability but the true meaning of being an advocate.<br />
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Advocating for the right venue, style and focus of education will be key. Focusing on the positives of our children instead of listening to the negatives will empower not only us but our children to reach goals. In our doing so we not only are standing up for our child but teaching them to stand up for themselves. We are teaching them to self advocate, to think outside the box, to be confident in their differences. There is not a day that goes by that I do not hear from a parent about how their child has not only met - but exceeded their expectations. These kids are special not only in their needs but in their brilliance.<br />
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Advocating for the right treatment in choice of medications, types of therapies and a thorough medical evaluation and testing gives to a mutual respect and true collaboration is met between clinicians and parents. No one knows a child like the parent. Being heard gives parents the validation they deserve and opens the dialog for better communication, calm and mutual respect with their advisors. They say it takes a village "They" are right. It takes not just any village but a village of people that have respect and acceptance of special needs children and the struggling parents and siblings as well.<br />
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Advocating for your child is in essence what keeps the promises. It is "getting" your kid when no one else does. It is understanding the unexplainable, the irrationality and the unpredictability of your child. It is taking a breath, taking a walk, regrouping and always coming back. It is gaining that trust in your child so they know, no matter what, you are their voice and you will be heard. It is keeping that promise and making it to yourself as well "We will get through this"<br />
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"You will succeed, you will get through this, you will have the life you deserve and I will never give up on you".<br />
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">In the end, despite goals met or unmet, expectations adjusted or exceeded, subjective measures of success and the constant pursuit of happiness, the most important of all the promises is the last.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">I will never give up on you.<br />
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Marianne</div><div style="clear: both;"></div></div><div class="post-footer" style="border-top-color: rgb(191, 177, 134); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #29303b; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 10px; padding-top: 6px;"></div>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-7223618874276817632011-04-07T05:09:00.001-07:002011-04-07T05:09:17.917-07:00Generalizing The Specifics - by Elise (Aspergers)<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
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<div class="post-header" style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.6; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div class="post-header-line-1"></div></div><div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-8827460693376215823" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.5; position: relative; width: 698px;"><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><iframe align="left" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=rasiaspeskids-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=1885477910&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=DFF2FF&bg1=DFF2FF&f=ifr" style="height: 245px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px; width: 131px;"></iframe>One of the main issues that children on the autism spectrum face is the ability to take what they learn from one situation and apply it in a totally different scenario. In fact the scenarios may not even be all that different, except for the introduction of a new dynamic or a removal of a familiar item, and the child becomes totally thrown off kilter and lost without the resources that they just learned. I analogize it to the issues HSB has in math. When given a math formula, and the appropriate number equivalents for the algebraic letters, he is able to apply the formula and even understands the reasoning and purpose. But if he is required to take that formula and apply in an unfamiliar word problem or with an unfamiliar set of numbers he will get lost. He is not able to generalize the specific information that he learned for that math equation. So too, do autistic children have issues being able to understand how certain appropriate behaviors are applied across the board and are general to the entire social paradigm.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">So the question then becomes what do you do to help them understand how to accomplish this goal? What can you do for your child to help them relate their social lessons to each and every situation that they face? Interestingly, Dr. Temple Grandin accomplishes this task by keeping what she terms a running Rolodex of social situations in her head. She remembers them as if they were social stories, so that she is able to access and filter what she needs to accomplish, how, when and even why. However, that is not how most of our children will function. It is actually an intriguing idea and concept to use your brain as if it were a social story computer, but that is not going to work for everyone. Especially those like HSB who have a working memory shortfall.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><iframe align="left" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=rasiaspeskids-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=193128220X&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=DFF2FF&bg1=DFF2FF&f=ifr" style="height: 245px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px; width: 131px;"></iframe>So what do you do? Well to start with you do teach for the moment. As I always say you take each moment as it comes. You get them through the challenge of the hour and then when all is calm and all is quiet you sit them down and continue the lesson. You point out to them what happened and how it was dealt with. You talk it through with them what was and was not appropriate. You problem solve how they could have done things better or how they actually did terrifically. You make them understand that certain behaviors that they accomplished at that given moment are actually a general concept and that it should be applied liberally.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">For example: How does someone behavior in a grocery store? You practice looking for your items. You practice walking appropriately in the aisles. You practice waiting you turn at the check out and you practice asking for help from one of the sales clerks. When they accomplish this goal of navigating the supermarket, you next take them to the toy store. You PRE-TEACH the situation by reminding them of the appropriate behaviors in the supermarket and how they apply in the toy store as well. You can use social stories, flash cards, and even basic children’s books on what happens when their favorite character goes to the toy store. You try to get them to understand that behavior in a public store is the same in every store.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">Now without a doubt you do not have to follow the supermarket with a toy store. In fact, since our children do have the hardest time in toy stores, (the choices can overwhelm them and they are unable to choose a toy) I would actually even make that one of the last lessons you teach. But that is something you and you alone are going to have to decide how to handle and when it becomes a good idea. Something else too, don’t be afraid if your child is not following the rules to leave the store.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><iframe align="left" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=rasiaspeskids-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=1932565353&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=DFF2FF&bg1=DFF2FF&f=ifr" style="height: 245px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px; width: 131px;"></iframe>I can’t tell you how many times I have left a grocery cart full of items because the boys may have been acting up at that moment. If you cannot calm them down, you leave. There may be a myriad of reasons for the meltdown. There can be a sensory overload, which even if you calm them down initially may just erupt again, so be prepared. There may be the tantrum that they want cocoa puffs instead of cheerios for breakfast. Now this is the tricky part because you do know that our children do have a hard time making choices, but you cannot let them tantrum, you cannot let them meltdown and you above all cannot give into their desire to have both cereals, or give them the cereal you do not want them to have.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">We have discussed on occasion the difference between meltdown and tantrum. The difference between whether your child is having issues because of the autism or issues because they are children and want what they want, when they want it, is something for which you need to be aware. However, the reality is that in many of these same situations you have to exercise the same outcome. You must walk away. Of course, it breaks your heart, especially when you know that it is a sensory issue or their inability to choose, but they MUST learn to choose. They MUST learn to channel their coping skills with sensory issues as well. Again, this is where the PRE-TEACHING comes in. The preparation before the excursion does help with these situations at times.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">Now it doesn’t mean that it always works. In fact, there may come a time that you think that your child is never ever going to learn how to choose one item from a store, or understand that they just can’t have a certain type of food. I still remember the day that I took HSB when he was in nursery school to the local candy/toy store in the middle of town. I told him going in that he could only have one toy. We practiced it and we talked about it. So lo and behold he decides he wants two toys. I reminded him that he had to choose one. That was the rule. I even helped him by choosing the toy for him. But he started to tantrum that he wanted both.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><iframe align="left" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=rasiaspeskids-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=1932565620&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=DFF2FF&bg1=DFF2FF&f=ifr" style="height: 245px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px; width: 131px;"></iframe>Now you do understand that I am quite well aware that as a child on the spectrum he saw what he saw and he wanted it. That perhaps in many ways he was unable to truly choose and that without both toys his internal systems told him that his life was going to be miserable. However, that is not life. Reality is that you have to make choices. You must choose between toys. We teach this lesson not because we want to be cruel, but because we know that there will come a time in life that your child will have to choose between food and a video game or health insurance and a manga. You cannot begin to teach this coping skill when they are 30 years old. This is a skill that takes a lifetime of teaching. You must begin sometime. They have to understand, as all persons do, that there are limits and those limits are part of the social construct that they will be living in. Yes, as with all things in the social realm this is harder for them to understand and grasp than for any one neurotypical, but they can grasp it. It just may take an inordinate amount of time and make you feel like the wicked witch of the west.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">Honestly this also goes for being able to curtail certain habits or the need to eat junk food and trying to have good sleeping habits. Limits, whether it is about toys, candy, spending and appropriate behavior lends itself to a better life and a more successful view of the world. And whether we think so or not, when they are three and crying their eyes out because you didn’t buy them that toy, they just may thank us one day when they are able to live on their own, successfully leading the life they choose for themselves. (OK not thank us, but at least not call us names anymore.)</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><iframe align="left" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=rasiaspeskids-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=1935274058&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=DFF2FF&bg1=DFF2FF&f=ifr" style="height: 245px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px; width: 131px;"></iframe>By the way, the story in the candy/toy store ends with me actually picking HSB up and putting him under my arm and carrying him out of the store. I told him he had to choose and when he threw a fit, refused to choose we left the store. Did it have an immediate impact on his ability or desire to make choices? No. I would be lying if I said it did. It still took time and several more store episodes for him to understand that life is a series of choices, but he learned and even over time he learned that sometimes the choices you make are not the ones you want but they are the ones you have to deal with.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">The reality is that there are basic concepts that our children need to be taught and they can be taught in many ways. Here is a small list of generalized behaviors:</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;">1.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span>Walking and speaking appropriately in a store.</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;">2.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span>Finding the item you want in the proper way- looking at markers in the store or asking for help appropriately</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"> 3.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span>Standing in line to pay and waiting your turn if there is any kind of issue to be addressed.</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;">4.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span>Making sure that they have the right amount of money to pay for the item (of course this is for older children who may need to even pay for their own lunch at school). However, you can start this process by pointing out to your child how you are paying for the item and that the money is in the bank or even handing over cash when you pay. (It is interesting to note, that persons on the autism spectrum tend to have very bad relationships with money. They need to learn early. Budgeting and money management needs to be reinforced from a young age.)</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"> 5.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span>They should be taught the proper etiquette when speaking to someone…thank you, please, your welcome…goes along way in gaining acceptance and help in society. Demanding and requiring someone to do something for you generally gets noone anywhere. It is essential that our children learn to recognize these attributes. So many of our children due to their speech issues, auditory processing and language issues, have modulation issues as well and their anxiety comes out in their actions/tone of voice. They may be very anxious in any given social situation and it may come out in the way they address someone in a store. The clerk will think your child is being rude or obnoxious when they are simply anxious. Try to get them to recognize how their body feels and you need to teach them how to cope with the public/social anxiety.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><iframe align="left" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=rasiaspeskids-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=1931282528&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=DFF2FF&bg1=DFF2FF&f=ifr" style="height: 245px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px; width: 131px;"></iframe>The truth of the matter is that as with everything that our children do, it is only through practice and more practice and even more practice, that they will learn to generalize these specific societal attributes. Now as far as math is concerned, it took a lot of work to be able to generalize the formulas and at times HSB still does not get it. But that is OK. We came to the conclusion along time ago that HSB was not going to be a theoretical physicist or an electrical engineer. But interestingly enough he is able to generalize criticism and attributes of video games and films. It seems that is where his abilities lie, which is a good thing considering that is where he has pinned his future career hopes. Of course, he is still going to have to learn to make choices and you know what, he still doesn’t like that, but luckily he doesn’t throw tantrums anymore, because at almost 6 feet and 200 pounds he is just too big for me to put under my arm and walk out of a store.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">Until next time,</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">Elise</div><div style="clear: both;"></div></div><div class="post-footer" style="border-top-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); border-top-style: dashed; border-top-width: 1px; color: black; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.6; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 10px;"></div>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-81798997795167673562011-04-07T05:05:00.001-07:002011-04-07T05:05:44.824-07:00Behavioral Plans for Children with Autism Mae Wilkinson<h2 style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 22px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br />
</h2><div class="entry" style="border-top-color: rgb(255, 153, 102); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-top: 10px;">Do you remember getting presents or special privileges for making good grades in school? If so, do you remember how proud you were when your hard work paid off? Me, too, which is why I was so excited when Connor’s teachers suggested we implement a behavioral incentive plan at school. And, since I am no stranger to incentive plans (considering I’ve spent most of my career working on points-based rewards programs for airlines, hotel chains. telecommunications firms and credit card companies), I was delighted that I could contribute to the discussion.<br />
But school behavioral plans are quite different than any other incentive program I’ve ever encountered. Some examples I saw reminded me of what a warden would implement for prison inmates, not what loving parents and nurturing educators would develop for elementary school students. Fortunately, the school staff and I worked together, and we eventually came up with a program that has helped Connor make progress on a key goal of working more independently. Here are a few general rules that I would encourage all parents and educators apply when designing a behavioral plan:<br />
- Remember that a behavioral plan is a <em>rewards</em>program. Negative reinforcers are not helpful, whether they be frowny-faces, ’strikes,’ or lack of privileges. Progress reports should be private — placing ’scores’ on the student’s desk for all to see is a negative reinforcer. Rewards and communications should also be age-appropriate – happy faces may signal to a 4th grader that he is still being viewed as a kindergartner. A rewards program is, by definition, a positive reinforcement for performing a set of desired behaviors. Negative rewards create fear and shame.<br />
- Ask the individual to participate in measuring his own performance. Another tenet of rewards programs is choice. Having a teacher looking over the student’s shoulder and judging him takes away his ability to provide feedback to himself, which is a key component of self-correction. After all, we choose to fly one airline over another to receive miles toward a free trip. The same is true for students – the child must be actively engaged in the program to make the conscious choice to behave one way over another.<br />
- Do not ask the student to do what he cannot do. The requirements to earn a reward should be attainable, not impossible. The idea is to motivate <em>incrementally</em>better behavior. That doesn’t mean bribing the child to do what he already feels comfortable doing. Instead, the goals should be based upon improvements that may be challenging, but are still withinreach. Asking a student to complete double-digit division problems when he is still learning his multiplication tables is unreasonable. Be aware that a student may need extra training and accommodations to be able to make the necessary changes. Modeling the appropriate behavior (we used the <a href="http:/" style="color: #336633; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline;" title="http://www.modelmekids-store.com/?Click=1040">Model Me Kids Model Me Organization and Motivation </a>social skills training DVD), preferred seating and assistive technology are examples of enablers that can help the child do his or her best.<br />
- Make sure the plan goals and rules are simple, clear, and match those as stated in the IEP. For example, executive functioning objectives, such as turning in homework, completing seatwork, checking work, etc., can be translated into a behavioral plan goal, such as ”complete each task assigned (or ask for help) per each school day period with fewer than two prompts.”<br />
- Rewards should be immediate and allocated based upon the magnitude of change. It is no fun to do what you are supposed to do only to have to wait two weeks to receive your prize. So, daily rewards, such as receiving a favorite treat or privilege (e.g., computer time) can help maintain confidence while reaching toward some of the higher goals. For example, if Connor can go an entire day doing what he is supposed to do without prompts, he receives some small gift - ice cream, a cookie or a song download. This keeps him engaged in the plan, similar to the membership benefits adults receives from a frequent shopper program. But the first time he accomplishes something extremely difficult, he receives a HUGE prize, or at least hugely important <em>to him</em>. These milestone awards should correspond with the child’s interests; for example, a new Lego set, an MP3 player, tickets to a baseball game, or the least expensive, but probably most special thing in the world, a special outing with mom and/or dad. In the adult world, this would be reaching sufficient points to earn a free airline ticket.<br />
Above all, respect the dignity and the effort of the students. They are working very hard to please you. A behavioral plan may be tracked at school, but must supported with rewards and encouragement at home.<br />
<div><br />
</div></div>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-83160744485729332642011-04-07T05:03:00.000-07:002011-04-07T05:06:09.434-07:007 Simple Ways to Improve Your Childs Language Skills via Lorna Entremont<h1 style="color: #008eb0; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 22px; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal !important; margin-top: 0px; padding-top: 5px;"><cufon alt="7 " class="cufon cufon-canvas" style="display: inline-block !important; font-size: 1px !important; height: 22px; line-height: 1px !important; position: relative !important; text-indent: 0px !important; vertical-align: middle !important; width: 15px;"><cufontext style="display: inline-block !important; height: 0px !important; overflow-x: hidden !important; overflow-y: hidden !important; text-indent: -10000in !important; width: 0px !important;"></cufontext></cufon><cufon alt="Simple " class="cufon cufon-canvas" style="display: inline-block !important; font-size: 1px !important; height: 22px; line-height: 1px !important; position: relative !important; text-indent: 0px !important; vertical-align: middle !important; width: 59px;"><canvas height="26" style="height: 26px; left: -2px; position: relative !important; top: -2px; width: 78px;" width="78"></canvas><cufontext style="display: inline-block !important; height: 0px !important; overflow-x: hidden !important; overflow-y: hidden !important; text-indent: -10000in !important; width: 0px !important;"></cufontext></cufon><cufon alt="Ways " class="cufon cufon-canvas" style="display: inline-block !important; font-size: 1px !important; height: 22px; line-height: 1px !important; position: relative !important; text-indent: 0px !important; vertical-align: middle !important; width: 49px;"><canvas height="26" style="height: 26px; left: -2px; position: relative !important; top: -2px; width: 68px;" width="68"></canvas><cufontext style="display: inline-block !important; height: 0px !important; overflow-x: hidden !important; overflow-y: hidden !important; text-indent: -10000in !important; width: 0px !important;"></cufontext></cufon><cufon alt="to " class="cufon cufon-canvas" style="display: inline-block !important; font-size: 1px !important; height: 22px; line-height: 1px !important; position: relative !important; text-indent: 0px !important; vertical-align: middle !important; width: 23px;"><canvas height="26" style="height: 26px; left: -2px; position: relative !important; top: -2px; width: 42px;" width="42"></canvas><cufontext style="display: inline-block !important; height: 0px !important; overflow-x: hidden !important; overflow-y: hidden !important; text-indent: -10000in !important; width: 0px !important;"></cufontext></cufon><cufon alt="Improve " class="cufon cufon-canvas" style="display: inline-block !important; font-size: 1px !important; height: 22px; line-height: 1px !important; position: relative !important; text-indent: 0px !important; vertical-align: middle !important; width: 72px;"><canvas height="26" style="height: 26px; left: -2px; position: relative !important; top: -2px; width: 91px;" width="91"></canvas><cufontext style="display: inline-block !important; height: 0px !important; overflow-x: hidden !important; overflow-y: hidden !important; text-indent: -10000in !important; width: 0px !important;"></cufontext></cufon><cufon alt="Your " class="cufon cufon-canvas" style="display: inline-block !important; font-size: 1px !important; height: 22px; line-height: 1px !important; position: relative !important; text-indent: 0px !important; vertical-align: middle !important; width: 42px;"><canvas height="26" style="height: 26px; left: -2px; position: relative !important; top: -2px; width: 61px;" width="61"></canvas><cufontext style="display: inline-block !important; height: 0px !important; overflow-x: hidden !important; overflow-y: hidden !important; text-indent: -10000in !important; width: 0px !important;"></cufontext></cufon><cufon alt="Child’s " class="cufon cufon-canvas" style="display: inline-block !important; 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overflow-y: hidden !important; text-indent: -10000in !important; width: 0px !important;"></cufontext></cufon><cufon alt="Compliments " class="cufon cufon-canvas" style="display: inline-block !important; font-size: 1px !important; height: 22px; line-height: 1px !important; position: relative !important; text-indent: 0px !important; vertical-align: middle !important; width: 112px;"><canvas height="26" style="height: 26px; left: -2px; position: relative !important; top: -2px; width: 131px;" width="131"></canvas><cufontext style="display: inline-block !important; height: 0px !important; overflow-x: hidden !important; overflow-y: hidden !important; text-indent: -10000in !important; width: 0px !important;"></cufontext></cufon><cufon alt="of " class="cufon cufon-canvas" style="display: inline-block !important; font-size: 1px !important; height: 22px; line-height: 1px !important; position: relative !important; text-indent: 0px !important; vertical-align: middle !important; width: 22px;"><canvas height="26" style="height: 26px; left: -2px; position: relative !important; top: -2px; width: 41px;" width="41"></canvas><cufontext style="display: inline-block !important; height: 0px !important; overflow-x: hidden !important; overflow-y: hidden !important; text-indent: -10000in !important; width: 0px !important;"></cufontext></cufon><cufon alt="Autism " class="cufon cufon-canvas" style="display: inline-block !important; font-size: 1px !important; height: 22px; line-height: 1px !important; position: relative !important; text-indent: 0px !important; vertical-align: middle !important; width: 63px;"><canvas height="26" style="height: 26px; left: -2px; position: relative !important; top: -2px; width: 83px;" width="83"></canvas><cufontext style="display: inline-block !important; height: 0px !important; overflow-x: hidden !important; overflow-y: hidden !important; text-indent: -10000in !important; width: 0px !important;"></cufontext></cufon><cufon alt="Asperger’s " class="cufon cufon-canvas" style="display: inline-block !important; font-size: 1px !important; height: 22px; line-height: 1px !important; position: relative !important; text-indent: 0px !important; vertical-align: middle !important; width: 90px;"><canvas height="26" style="height: 26px; left: -2px; position: relative !important; top: -2px; width: 109px;" width="109"></canvas><cufontext style="display: inline-block !important; height: 0px !important; overflow-x: hidden !important; overflow-y: hidden !important; text-indent: -10000in !important; width: 0px !important;"></cufontext></cufon><cufon alt="Digest" class="cufon cufon-canvas" style="display: inline-block !important; font-size: 1px !important; height: 22px; line-height: 1px !important; position: relative !important; text-indent: 0px !important; vertical-align: middle !important; width: 51px;"><canvas height="26" style="height: 26px; left: -2px; position: relative !important; top: -2px; width: 68px;" width="68"></canvas><cufontext style="display: inline-block !important; height: 0px !important; overflow-x: hidden !important; overflow-y: hidden !important; text-indent: -10000in !important; width: 0px !important;"></cufontext></cufon></h1><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">By Karen Emigh from Autism Aspergers Digest</div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Excerpted from the article,”Breaking the Language Barrier” by <a href="http://store.fhautism.com/p-119-hermans-hiding-places-discovering-up-in-under-and-behind.aspx" style="color: #047cc1;" title="Karen Emigh">Karen Emigh</a> that appears in the March/April 2011 issue of <a href="http://www.autismdigest.com/" style="color: #047cc1;" title="Autism Asperger's Digest">Autism Asperger’s Digest</a>, magazine. Reprinted with permission. The Autism Asperger’s Digest is offering a subscription special during April, to celebrate <a href="http://kidcompanions.com/archives/4624" style="color: #047cc1;" title="National Autism Awareness Month">National Autism Awareness Month</a>. Details follow.</div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Language and communication – we use them to get our needs met, express ourselves and bond with others. Except, that is, if your child is on the autism spectrum. The one comment I hear most from other parents of children with ASD is that they just wish their child could communicate “better.” However, given the structure of the English language, this is not an easily learned skill. Our language is filled with prepositions, adjectives, adverbs, pronouns, idioms and metaphors, clichés – all pretty foreign concepts to our kids who think in literal terms and tend to learn specific to general, rather than the other way around, as do typical kids.</div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Some easy ways I discovered to improve communication with (my son) Brett follow. You can use them with your child with autism, no matter where he or she falls on the spectrum. These techniques are not, in themselves, end products. They are actions meant to be adjusted and played with, so they become relevant for <em>your</em> child.</div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;"><strong></strong></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;"><span style="color: #003366;"><strong>Attention</strong></span><br />
First and foremost, before you try to communicate with your child, before you try to teach him anything, <strong>get his attention</strong>. This may be as simple as calling his name, or you may have to physically move your child’s face to look you in the eye. Children give indications of attention in different ways, and for some kids with ASD, eye contact is not it. You know your child best. It’s not important how you get his attention just as long as you get it. <em>Every time</em>. Otherwise, you are probably just wasting your breath.<a class="highslide img_1" href="http://kidcompanions.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/pierrette-petite.jpg" style="color: #047cc1; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; text-decoration: none;"><img alt="" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-5991" height="225" src="http://kidcompanions.com/wp-content/plugins/image-shadow/cache/0e5f269d05981b0cab7ccbfbd418e9e3.jpg" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-width: initial; cursor: url(http://kidcompanions.com/wp-content/plugins/highslide-4-wordpress-reloaded/graphics/zoomin.cur), pointer !important; float: right; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 15px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;" title="pierrette petite" width="300" /></a></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;"><strong></strong></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;"><strong><span style="color: #003366;">Show and Tell</span></strong>Children with ASD are very visual. Use this strength in teaching them language. Expand their vocabulary by bringing their attention to people, places and things, giving them names as you point them out. The grocery store is a great place to do this. If your child is not yet ready for the grocery store, start at home. But don’t just take your child by the hand and lead him around giving names to everything in sight. This makes it seem too much like work. Make it fun. Be creative! Sing the words sometimes for a change of pace.</div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">For some kids, show and tell is best started with labeling items around the house. Again, these kids are visual and the added benefit of <em>seeing</em> the word in addition to <em>hearing</em> the word can go a long way toward better understanding. Plus, it helps the very concrete learner understand that the word is a representation of the solid object, setting the stage for better reading skills. Point out the things that are going into the shopping cart, into your pot of soup, or a few pictures in a magazine or video. There are opportunities all around you. When the child is familiar with people, places and things you can move on to more abstract language, like verbs and pronouns. Point out someone running in the park and say, “She is running” or a child swinging and say, “He is swinging.” Encourage him to repeat after you. Also, most of us have icons, or flash cards around our homes. Here’s a simple game you can play with them. When you first get in the car show your child an icon of someone on a bike, say, “bike” or “man on a bike” and then see who can find it first. This will also help him generalize concepts if he has only been relating to himself, his things, his home. The bike icon can now mean other bikes, as well as his bike.</div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;"><span style="color: #003366;"><strong>All For One and Fun For All</strong></span><br />
Children are obviously more receptive to fun than work, and this is true at any age. Word games can be fun. They can be simple or more complex, yet are effective in teaching important language concepts along the way. The following games can help your child learn “who”, “what”, “where”, “when”, “why”, and “how” questions.</div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Adult “When do you turn on the lights? When you ride your bike?“<a class="highslide img_2" href="http://kidcompanions.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/jordan-dehors.jpg" style="color: #047cc1; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; text-decoration: none;"><img alt="" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-5995" height="225" src="http://kidcompanions.com/wp-content/plugins/image-shadow/cache/5f7780be1559e1444ca000b17b292e0e.jpg" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-width: initial; cursor: url(http://kidcompanions.com/wp-content/plugins/highslide-4-wordpress-reloaded/graphics/zoomin.cur), pointer !important; float: right; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 15px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;" title="jordan dehors" width="300" /></a><br />
Child “No” (answer for him if he doesn’t know, i.e. model for him)<br />
A “When it gets cold outside?”<br />
C “No.”<br />
A “When it gets dark?”<br />
C “Yes!”<br />
A “Yes, you turn on the lights when it gets dark. Great job!”</div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">A “Why do you brush your teeth? Because the dog barked?”<br />
C “No.”<br />
A “Because you’re hungry?”<br />
C “No.”<br />
A “Because you need to clean your teeth.”<br />
C “Yes!”<br />
A “Yes, you brush your teeth because you need to clean them. Good job!”</div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Games like this will help your child connect “when” with a time or an event, “why” with a reason, etc. Use your imagination and have fun. Kids love it when their parents act silly. You can even pretend you don’t know the answer; when your child figures it out he’ll be thrilled.</div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Another word game you can play uses prepositions such as <em>in, over, behind, under, after,<strong> </strong></em>and<strong><em> </em></strong><em>between.<strong> </strong></em>Here are a few examples:</div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">When you are making the bed throw the blanket over your head and tell your child you are <em>under</em><strong> </strong>the blanket. Take it off and say, “I’m not under the blanket.” Let him try, too. After all, that is the fun part! Have him help load the washing machine and say, “Put the socks <em>in, </em>put the pants <em>in</em>, etc. When the clothes are all washed and dried have him help take the clothes <em>out</em>: pants <em>out</em>, shirts <em>out</em>, socks <em>out</em>. On a nice day you can go for a walk and find things to walk <em>around</em>. Tell him you are walking <em>around</em> a tree, <em>around</em> a bush, <em>around</em> a rock, <em>around<strong> </strong></em>a corner. When you are repeating things over and over, say them in an exaggerated or sing-song way to make it a little more fun. It might seem boring to you, but lots (<em>lots</em>) of repetition helps. <strong><em><br />
</em></strong><br />
<span style="color: #003366;"><strong>Model/Prompt</strong></span><br />
Always <em>model</em> for your child what he should say or do. This just means you show him exactly what you want him to say or do so he can imitate your words or actions. Some things may seem too basic to model, but remember that our kids don’t learn from watching as easily as do other kids. When in doubt, model. For example, if he takes you by the hand to lead you to the cookie jar, point to the cookies and say, “I want a cookie.” You can even shorten that response for kids who are more language challenged by pointing and saying, “Cookie, please” or “Want cookie” or even just “cookie.” You know your child’s capabilities; adjust how you model accordingly.</div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">As he becomes more proficient with his skills you may only need to <em>prompt</em> him. For example, if he is indicating that he wants the cookie, point to the cookie jar and say, “I want…” If he doesn’t answer try it again and say, “I want….cookie.” Give him a couple of seconds before you say “cookie” so he knows you expect him to say something after hearing “I want…”. Some kids need more time to process to get a response out verbally; be patient. And, of course, be sure to reward him for any attempts, not just for successes.</div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;"><strong><span style="color: #003366;"><a class="highslide img_3" href="http://kidcompanions.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/jordan-1.jpg" style="color: #047cc1; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; text-decoration: none;"><img alt="" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-6001" height="225" src="http://kidcompanions.com/wp-content/plugins/image-shadow/cache/a052d74590ddeef326ed8a2a8f7bd7e5.jpg" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-width: initial; cursor: url(http://kidcompanions.com/wp-content/plugins/highslide-4-wordpress-reloaded/graphics/zoomin.cur), pointer !important; float: left; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 15px; margin-top: 0px;" title="jordan 1" width="300" /></a>Repetition, Repetition, Repetition</span></strong>Repetition is important. Let me say it again: Repetition is important. Repetition helps the brain store information in your child’s rote (automatic) memory. Every time you put a hotdog on his plate say “hotdog.” After a few times you can show him the hotdog and ask, “What is this?” If he answers “hotdog” great! If not, repeat the question for him. If he tries to say “hotdog” but it comes out garbled, point to your mouth and slowly repeat the word with the correct pronunciation. Repetition can get boring pretty quickly for parents or teachers, but we need to remember that staying calm and patient with the process is key. Kids with autism needs <em>lots more</em> repetition than we might have previously thought. I repeat: <em>lots more</em> repetition. Some tasks take longer for a child, even though they might seem easier to us. Also, pay attention to signs of frustration or times when teaching may not be effective. If a child is already tired, hungry, frustrated or approaching sensory overload, it’s not a good time to work on language skills. If you’re getting frustrated, stop the task and return to it another time. Remember, working on these skills is supposed to be simple and fun – for both of you.</div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;"><strong><span style="color: #003366;">Watch What You Say</span></strong>You can really confuse your child by using idioms such as, “I’ve got a green thumb” or “It’s raining cats and dogs.” Remember, kids on the spectrum are very literal. If you say you’re “tongue tied” he may actually try to look in your mouth to see this oddity. Adults in conversation with other adults often use such figures of speech. Once, after a conversation on the phone I hung up and said, “I almost stuck my foot in my mouth.” Brett was listening and said, “Mom, there’s no way you could ever get your foot in your mouth!” Although I am not suggesting that you completely change how you talk, just make sure you’re aware of what you say, and explain the idiom after you use it. Do use extra care, however, when giving instructions or comments directly to your child or student with autism. “Hop to it!” or “Do you have ants in your pants?” can result in some pretty interesting responses from your child if he or she doesn’t know what you mean.<br />
<strong></strong></div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;"><span style="color: #003366;"><strong>Use Natural Settings</strong></span><br />
While language skills are important, we don’t want to spend all of our free time drilling them to the point of exhaustion. Quite the opposite, actually. Our kids get pushed all day long to stay on task, to focus, to listen. Sometimes just getting them to stay at school (never mind doing any work) is a feat in itself. By the time they get home from school or their behaviorist and OT leave for the day, our kids just want to hang out, relax and maybe even stim for awhile. Incorporate these language-boosting ideas into your daily routine in natural settings. Don’t drag him away from his video game to point out and name all the vegetables in your refrigerator. Wait until dinnertime to label foods and bedtime to ask him why we go to bed.</div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Working on these skills just a few times a day can really make a difference. A couple of years ago at the beginning of summer, I began to work with my son on “wh” and “how” questions, just two or three times a day for five to ten minute intervals. When he went back to school in the fall his teachers immediately recognized the difference in his language. At other times, it’s taken lots more repetition over a longer period of time to master new skills.</div><div style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Teaching language is not always as cut and dried (pardon the idiom) as this article may seem to make it. But there is hope. While simple, these techniques are effective. Play with them, modify them to suit your child’s needs. Keep searching for the keys that unlock the doors of your child’s mind. Even with the right key some of those doors are slow to open, so give it some time and be patient. It’s definitely worth the wait for us, and for the child, language is the doorway to the world.<br />
<span style="color: #003366;"><strong>BIO</strong></span><br />
Karen Emigh is mother of two boys, and author of three wonderfully illustrated and colorful children’s books: <em>Who Took My Shoe?,</em> <em>Herman’s Hiding Places: Discovering Up, In, Under and Behind, </em>and <em>Bookworm: Discovering Idioms, Sayings and Expressions</em> (all published by <a href="http://www.sensoryworld.com/childrensbooks.html" style="color: #047cc1;" title="Future Horizons">Future Horizons</a>).</div><div><br />
</div>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-45657481008734248382011-03-20T20:48:00.001-07:002011-03-20T20:48:39.736-07:00The Life Unexpected - The One You Were Meant To Have Marianne Russo<div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">As little girls we played house and created a world with the perfect home, husband and child. Pretending to be a mom was a world with aprons, easy bake ovens, high heel shoes and pretty red lipstick. We knew this to be true, we saw it everywhere. It was on our televisions everyday. Donna Reed, Leave it to Beaver, Make room for Daddy even I love Lucy had moms with an <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">idyllic</span> charm that captured our imaginations.</div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">As teenagers we rebelled. We were not going to be the idyllic housewife with pearls around our necks and children at our feet. We had new role models now. Mary Tyler Moore, Julia, That Girl and Charlies Angels transformed our beliefs. We dreamt of our careers and friendships and our lives as modern women.</div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">As young ladies we became educated, got our first jobs, met the men of our dreams and felt the excitement and power of our first independence. We were empowered by the women on Cagney and Lacey, Knots Landing and Dynasty. The strength of these women changed our view of life and how we knew our life would be.</div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">The men of our dreams became our husbands our partners our lovers. Maturity brought us to a balance of knowing that we could, if we chose, incorporate all the wonderful role models that had been set before us and have it all. We could wear that apron, advance in our careers, be strong formidable women, have that baby on our hip and do it all while wearing our best pair of stilettos. It was all laid out for us. It was the life we expected.</div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">As woman and mothers we came to the stark realization that not unlike the fairy tales of our earliest memories, there are twists and turns and unexpected tribulations.</div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">For some women life has given them pretty much what they expected. They seem to effortlessly walk through life and are truly content. For others, they are given the unexpected. They are given a child with a disability. They are given a heavy heart, not by the child, but by the illness or disorder that plagues them. These women feel limited in their choices, they feel they cannot have it all and feel a sense of loss for their happily ever after ending.</div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">The woman of a child with a disability has been given the life unexpected.</div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Along with the unexpected can come the expected. If what we expected of ourselves as little girls, young ladies and women was to become nurturing, educated, independent, strong and supportive - then mothers of children with disabilities have not only met but far exceeded those expectations.</div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><div>My father once told me "Expect nothing and you will never be disappointed". Seemed a bit harsh even a bit ridiculous. "Without expectations there are no goals" I replied. Looking back, I think I missed the point.</div><div><br />
</div><div><div>Perhaps the one thing never taught to be expected was to have a purpose. Maybe in some way having a true purpose in life - to be truly needed - may not be the life expected but the life you were meant to have.</div></div><div><br />
</div></div>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-4546129483390622962011-03-19T16:48:00.001-07:002011-03-20T20:46:13.190-07:00Behavioral Plans for Children with Autism Mae Wilkinson<h2 style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 22px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">Do you remember getting presents or special privileges for making good grades in school? If so, do you remember how proud you were when your hard work paid off? Me, too, which is why I was so excited when Connor’s teachers suggested we implement a behavioral incentive plan at school. And, since I am no stranger to incentive plans (considering I’ve spent most of my career working on points-based rewards programs for airlines, hotel chains. telecommunications firms and credit card companies), I was delighted that I could contribute to the discussion.</span></h2><div class="entry" style="border-top-color: rgb(255, 153, 102); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-top: 10px;">But school behavioral plans are quite different than any other incentive program I’ve ever encountered. Some examples I saw reminded me of what a warden would implement for prison inmates, not what loving parents and nurturing educators would develop for elementary school students. Fortunately, the school staff and I worked together, and we eventually came up with a program that has helped Connor make progress on a key goal of working more independently. Here are a few general rules that I would encourage all parents and educators apply when designing a behavioral plan:<br />
- Remember that a behavioral plan is a <em>rewards</em>program. Negative reinforcers are not helpful, whether they be frowny-faces, ’strikes,’ or lack of privileges. Progress reports should be private — placing ’scores’ on the student’s desk for all to see is a negative reinforcer. Rewards and communications should also be age-appropriate – happy faces may signal to a 4th grader that he is still being viewed as a kindergartner. A rewards program is, by definition, a positive reinforcement for performing a set of desired behaviors. Negative rewards create fear and shame.<br />
- Ask the individual to participate in measuring his own performance. Another tenet of rewards programs is choice. Having a teacher looking over the student’s shoulder and judging him takes away his ability to provide feedback to himself, which is a key component of self-correction. After all, we choose to fly one airline over another to receive miles toward a free trip. The same is true for students – the child must be actively engaged in the program to make the conscious choice to behave one way over another.<br />
- Do not ask the student to do what he cannot do. The requirements to earn a reward should be attainable, not impossible. The idea is to motivate <em>incrementally</em>better behavior. That doesn’t mean bribing the child to do what he already feels comfortable doing. Instead, the goals should be based upon improvements that may be challenging, but are still withinreach. Asking a student to complete double-digit division problems when he is still learning his multiplication tables is unreasonable. Be aware that a student may need extra training and accommodations to be able to make the necessary changes. Modeling the appropriate behavior (we used the <a href="http:/" style="color: #336633; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline;" title="http://www.modelmekids-store.com/?Click=1040">Model Me Kids Model Me Organization and Motivation </a>social skills training DVD), preferred seating and assistive technology are examples of enablers that can help the child do his or her best.<br />
- Make sure the plan goals and rules are simple, clear, and match those as stated in the IEP. For example, executive functioning objectives, such as turning in homework, completing seatwork, checking work, etc., can be translated into a behavioral plan goal, such as ”complete each task assigned (or ask for help) per each school day period with fewer than two prompts.”<br />
- Rewards should be immediate and allocated based upon the magnitude of change. It is no fun to do what you are supposed to do only to have to wait two weeks to receive your prize. So, daily rewards, such as receiving a favorite treat or privilege (e.g., computer time) can help maintain confidence while reaching toward some of the higher goals. For example, if Connor can go an entire day doing what he is supposed to do without prompts, he receives some small gift - ice cream, a cookie or a song download. This keeps him engaged in the plan, similar to the membership benefits adults receives from a frequent shopper program. But the first time he accomplishes something extremely difficult, he receives a HUGE prize, or at least hugely important <em>to him</em>. These milestone awards should correspond with the child’s interests; for example, a new Lego set, an MP3 player, tickets to a baseball game, or the least expensive, but probably most special thing in the world, a special outing with mom and/or dad. In the adult world, this would be reaching sufficient points to earn a free airline ticket.<br />
Above all, respect the dignity and the effort of the students. They are working very hard to please you. A behavioral plan may be tracked at school, but must supported with rewards and encouragement at home.<br />
<div><br />
</div></div>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-33954305594391152142011-03-19T16:46:00.001-07:002011-03-20T20:46:44.247-07:00Life Imitating Art or Vice Versa by Elise<div class="post-body entry-content" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.5; position: relative; width: 698px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><iframe align="left" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=rasiaspeskids-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=B002N5N4M6&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=DFF2FF&bg1=DFF2FF&f=ifr" style="height: 245px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px; width: 131px;"></iframe>One of the things that I enjoy is watching my life unfold upon the television screen. Every week we watch the four geeks and the beautiful girl of <a href="http://www.cbs.com/primetime/big_bang_theory/" style="color: #3300cc; text-decoration: none;"><i>The Big Bang Theory</i></a> navigate their interesting relationships and lives. Invariably however, their issues and their sense of reality gets in the way of well…functioning on any level what so ever. Such an event took place yesterday between hubby and HSB.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">As I have said before HSB earns cash/points that he can use against the purchase of video games and computer games by doing a variety of chores around the house. Now HSB has been keeping track of what he earns on his own and quite frankly I felt that he was doing a fairly good job. He did not lie about what he earned. He wrote down the proper amounts and subtracted when he spent money. There really wasn’t a problem until Friday.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">HSB decided that he didn’t have the patience to do any laundry, but I was not supposed to do the laundry because that would take away form his projected income. However, I did make him take the laundry up the stairs from the laundryroom to the bedroom. He didn’t want to fold it or put the laundry away, which was part of the bargain. He basically decided though that he should get paid for bringing the laundry upstairs. I told him that that was only part of the chore and that he didn’t get paid for just schlepping things upstairs.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><iframe align="left" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=rasiaspeskids-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=B003L77G6A&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=DFF2FF&bg1=DFF2FF&f=ifr" style="height: 245px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px; width: 131px;"></iframe>Well holy hell broke loose. He did not like that answer at all. I wouldn’t say a full-blown meltdown occurred but we definitely had the makings of a major tempter tantrum on our hands, complete with name-calling (he calling me names), foot stomping (when a 5’9” 200 pound 17 year old stomps his feet going up the stairs, the entire house shakes) and generally very poor behavior. So when hubby came home from work, in order to clarify what HSB gets paid for and when, he sat down with HSB and devised a plan how to categorize each step in the chore process. All of this was to be written down on a white board so there would be no arguments or misunderstandings in the future. (By the way if you think that tantrums are just the purview of autistic children watch this clip of Robin Williams discussing his 17-year-olds reaction to the word NO.)</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><object height="390" style="height: 390px; width: 640px;" width="640"></object></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">Once these discussions began it is at this time that we entered an alternate universe. Not sure who the two of them were that morning, or which comedy show they were auditioning for, but if I could have filmed their interactions and sent it to the writers of BBT there would be a very funny skit about to be filmed in Hollywood. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/3VwrCZa3aKo" title="YouTube video player" width="640"></iframe></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">Saturday morning, they sat together and wiped down the white board from HSB’s office and proceeded to create a chart that he could keep track of his earnings and expenditures. Easy right? Wrong. Arguing ensued, replete with verb tense battles, grammar innuendos and definition debates. They continued on for several hours arguing about:</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><iframe align="left" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=rasiaspeskids-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=B001FB4VXU&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=DFF2FF&bg1=DFF2FF&f=ifr" style="height: 245px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px; width: 131px;"></iframe>*The configuration of the chart itself.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">*How HSB wanted it to look, as opposed to how hubby needed it to look for his purposes.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">*The steps that were to be written down. (Including each part to each individual step)</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">*How much each step was worth.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">*How HSB was to keep track of each chore (lines with dates, number of chores done a particular date, whether he was to change the count by Arabic numeral or roman numeral counting - I kid you not).</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">*How HSB was to subtract when he used some money (whether he was to put the date in, the object purchased or just subtract).</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">*What each column stood for and the purpose of the chart in the first place.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">*Why there has to be a total line at the end, when HSB only wants a total column.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">*What color pen is to be used for which purpose.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">I had to leave the room. I was getting a headache.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/RjluRCKL8R4" title="YouTube video player" width="640"></iframe></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">The problem was two fold I think. Hubby wanted the chart because he felt there was too much miscommunication about what is expected of HSB. HSB was happy with the chart he had and thought that I was just trying to change the rules on him and that I was a pain in the ass. No, he didn’t say that in so many words he actually used more colorful language when he didn’t think I could hear. Someone really needs to stress to autistic children that even if you are in another room when you yell, people in the rest of the house can still hear you.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">Well eventually they did agree on a chart, its purpose, and even what color marker to use when and for what purpose. Yes, there was a protracted argument about green versus black markers and what HSB would use the green marker for. Of course green was for the amount of money he earned. Here it the finished product….</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-ry-ntRI4qAg/TX0sM4MTfMI/AAAAAAAAAFY/C9IyILQqhqY/s1600/chart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #3300cc; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="379" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-ry-ntRI4qAg/TX0sM4MTfMI/AAAAAAAAAFY/C9IyILQqhqY/s640/chart.jpg" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.496094) 1px 1px 5px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; padding-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px; position: relative;" width="640" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">By the way, there is still a huge pile of laundry that I agreed not to touch, and we are quickly running out of clothes.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">Until next time,</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">Elise</div><div style="clear: both;"></div></div><div class="post-footer" style="border-top-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); border-top-style: dashed; border-top-width: 1px; color: black; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.6; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 10px;"></div>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-54219093138621472002011-03-10T17:51:00.000-08:002011-03-20T20:47:16.524-07:00How one school district is drafting a policy against unlawful restraint and seclusion<h2 style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 22px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">We’ve heard the horror stories – Practices of using restraints and seclusion (R&S) in schools have humiliated, physically harmed, or even caused the deaths of children. Yet many schools use R&S routinely as a method to get troublesome kids, even those as young as five years old, out of the classroom. Children on the autism spectrum are particularly vulnerable to this type of treatment. Because they do not display physical signs of their disabilities, they are often perceived as being non-compliant, lazy or just plain ‘difficult.’</span></h2><div class="entry" style="border-top-color: rgb(255, 153, 102); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-top: 10px;">For Missouri, the path to fixing the problem started with one courageous mom’s outrage against the treatment of her young son. Her story caught the attention of the media, and soon other families soon came forward and began sharing their experiences. (See testimonies from the GAO on Restraint & Seclusion at <span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.gao.gov/new.items/d09719t.pdf" rel="nofollow" style="color: #336633; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank"><span id="lw_1298239898_0">http://www.gao.gov/new.items/d09719t.pdf</span></a></span> and more at <a href="http://nomoseclusion.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow" style="color: #336633; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank"><span id="lw_1298215439_7">http://nomoseclusion.blogspot.com).</span></a> Not long after that, the issue was brought to the Missouri Congress. Legislators listened, and a bill was passed in 2010 mandating public schools to develop rules against unlawful restraint and seclusion. (The Act: <a href="http://www.moga.mo.gov/statutes/c100-199/1600000263.htm" rel="nofollow" style="color: #336633; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank"><span id="lw_1298215439_5">http://www.moga.mo.gov/statutes/c100-199/1600000263.htm</span></a> ).<br />
But there was a big gap between mandating a policy and developing one. Some parents wanted restraints and seclusion banned under all circumstances. Other parents insisted that some R&S practices should stay in place, because they were terrified that their children would hurt themselves or others. School districts were concerned that eliminating restraints and ‘time out’ rooms would disrupt class routines and upset and/or endanger other students when a child acted out.<br />
So, a committee was formed to draft the state’s Department of Elementary and Secondary Education’s rules and guidelines, beginning with definitions: <em>What is restraint? What are acceptable/non-acceptable forms of restraint?</em> There are a number of ways schools had restrained children in the past - medically (drugs), physically and mechanically. Drugs were not allowed to be administered. Prone and face-down restraints were particularly singled out as harmful, and were banned. Mechanical restraints were defined as anything using straps, including clothing (one school practiced strapping children to their chairs by putting their coats on backward and zipping them up behind the backs of their chair), and were also controlled. The situations where restraint and seclusion could be used also needed to be defined. <em>What constitutes an emergency situation and how long could seclusion be used?</em> For example, under the new policy, seclusion could not last longer than the time it took for the police to arrive. Parents had to agree in writing to the use of any R&S in the IEP.<br />
Then, the policy had to be adopted by each school <em>district,</em> and districts were called upon to develop their own guidelines based upon what the state had developed. In our area, The St. Louis S<span id="lw_1298216808_12">pecial School District (SSD), </span> is one of the few separate<span id="lw_1298216808_13">special education school</span> districts in the nation. Our local districts contract SSD to provide services, so SSD is also one of the largest special education providers in the US, providing services to over 25,000 students. Thus, a new committee of educators and parents was formed to develop district policy.<br />
Some of the proposed policy elements were unanimously accepted; for others, the district wouldn’t budge. Accountability, for one. <em>What are the consequences of an educator not following policy?</em>There would be no separate accountability other than the district’s own code of conduct and performance standards. <em>What about prevention?</em> Again, the district believed that the preventative measures via behavioral interventions were sufficient to stop most disruption from escalating to the point where restraint and seclusion would be necessary. (BTW, I don’t agree with either of these. Violators should be punished, and we have a loooooong way to go before we eliminate years and years of repeated failure that causes some children’s behavior to escalate into violence.)<br />
At last, a draft was formed and is waiting feedback from the community. It is far from perfect, but it is a good start. The draft: <a href="http://www.ssdmo.org/about_us/news_releases/SSD%20Website%201.25.11%20JGGA%20.pdf" rel="nofollow" style="color: #336633; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank"><span id="lw_1298215439_8">http://www.ssdmo.org/about_us/news_releases/SSD%20Website%201.25.11%20JGGA%20.pdf</span></a><br />
<em>To hear more about the path to policy, please join me on </em><a href="http://twitter.com/TheCoffeeKlatch" rel="nofollow" style="color: #336633; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline;"><em>TheCoffeeKlatch</em></a><em> tonight, (Sunday, Feb 20) at 9pm est/8csst on Blog Talk Radio with my guest Douglas Riggs, the Chairperson for the Missouri Planning Council for Developmental Disabilities Policy Committee. Doug is the father of a child with an intellectual disability and a committee member for the St. Louis School District’s Restraint and Seclusion task force. </em><em><a href="http://alturl.com/2c7b" style="color: #336633; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline;">http://alturl.com/2c7b</a></em><br />
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Mae Wilkinson</div></div>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-70094066908309946402011-03-10T09:12:00.001-08:002011-03-10T18:32:54.077-08:00Michelle Obama response to my request for guest appearance to discuss childhood obesity<div class="gE ib gt" style="border-collapse: collapse; cursor: auto; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; padding-bottom: 3px; padding-left: 4px; padding-right: 0px;"><table cellpadding="0" class="cf gJ" style="border-collapse: collapse; margin-top: 0px; width: auto;"><tbody>
<tr><td class="gF gK" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: top; white-space: nowrap; width: 1012px;"><table cellpadding="0" class="cf NtHald" style="border-collapse: collapse; margin-top: 0px; width: 1012px;"><tbody>
<tr class="UszGxc"><td class="gG" style="color: #888888; font-family: arial, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: right; vertical-align: top; white-space: nowrap; width: 0px;"><span class="gI" style="cursor: auto; vertical-align: top; white-space: nowrap;">from</span></td><td class="gL" colspan="2" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; vertical-align: top; white-space: normal; width: 956px;"><span class="gI" style="cursor: auto; vertical-align: top;"><span class="ik" style="position: relative; top: -1px; vertical-align: top;"><img class=" QrVm3d" height="16px" id="upi" jid="noreply-WHPC@whitehouse.gov" name="upi" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/images/cleardot.gif" width="16px" /></span><span class="gD" email="noreply-WHPC@whitehouse.gov" style="color: #00681c; display: inline; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top; white-space: normal;">The White House - Presidential Correspondence</span> <span class="go" style="color: #888888; vertical-align: top;"><noreply-WHPC@whitehouse.gov></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="gG" colspan="2" style="color: #888888; font-family: arial, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: right; vertical-align: top; white-space: nowrap; width: 0px;"><span class="gI" style="cursor: auto; vertical-align: top; white-space: nowrap;">to</span></td><td class="gL" colspan="2" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; vertical-align: top; white-space: normal; width: 956px;"><span class="gI" style="cursor: auto; vertical-align: top;"><span class="ik" style="position: relative; top: -1px; vertical-align: top;"><img class="c6 QrVm3d" height="16px" id="upi" jid="thecoffeeklatch@gmail.com" name="upi" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/images/cleardot.gif" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(https://mail.google.com/mail/images/2/icons_ns8.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px -80px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; height: 16px; width: 16px;" width="16px" /></span>thecoffeeklatch@gmail.com</span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="gG" colspan="2" style="color: #888888; font-family: arial, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: right; vertical-align: top; white-space: nowrap; width: 0px;"><span class="gI" style="cursor: auto; vertical-align: top; white-space: nowrap;">subject</span></td><td class="gL" colspan="2" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; vertical-align: top; white-space: normal; width: 956px;"><span class="gI" style="cursor: auto; vertical-align: top;"><span class="ik" style="position: relative; top: -1px; vertical-align: top;"><img height="16px" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/images/cleardot.gif" width="16px" /></span>Thank you for your message</span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="gG" colspan="2" style="color: #888888; font-family: arial, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: right; vertical-align: top; white-space: nowrap; width: 0px;"><span class="gI" style="cursor: auto; vertical-align: top; white-space: nowrap;">mailed-by</span></td><td class="gL" colspan="2" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; vertical-align: top; white-space: normal; width: 956px;"><span class="gI" style="cursor: auto; vertical-align: top;"><span class="ik" style="position: relative; top: -1px; vertical-align: top;"><img height="16px" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/images/cleardot.gif" width="16px" /></span>whitehouse.gov</span></td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="4" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="gI" style="cursor: auto; vertical-align: top;"></span><br />
<span class="gI" style="cursor: auto; vertical-align: top;"><div class="pj1vZc"></div></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table></td><td class="gH" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: right; vertical-align: top; white-space: nowrap;"><div class="gK UszGxc" style="padding-right: 4px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="iD" idlink="" style="color: #84aaff; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: top;">hide details</span> <span alt="Mon, Jun 28, 2010 at 4:26 PM" class="g3" id=":3y" style="margin-right: 3px; vertical-align: top;" title="Mon, Jun 28, 2010 at 4:26 PM">6/28/10</span></div></td><td class="gH cY8xve" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: right; vertical-align: top; white-space: nowrap;"></td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><div class="iF" style="border-collapse: collapse; clear: both; font-family: arial, sans-serif; height: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden;"></div><div class="utdU2e" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"></div><div class="QqXVeb" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"></div><div class="ii gt" id=":41" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 15px; margin-right: 15px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 20px; position: relative; z-index: 2;"><div id=":42">Dear Marianne Russo:<br />
<br />
Thank you for writing to me about your interest in<br />
helping to solve the childhood obesity epidemic. Children<br />
all across this country are afflicted by poor health and a<br />
lack of nutrition in increasingly devastating numbers.<br />
Childhood obesity rates in America have tripled over the<br />
past three decades, and for the first time in our Nation's<br />
history, the current generation may be on track to have a<br />
shorter lifespan than their parents. These trends are<br />
startling, but I am encouraged because I know that<br />
individuals and organizations are already hard at work to<br />
combat this issue.<br />
<br />
And we want to do our part as well. We recently<br />
launched the Let's Move! campaign with an ambitious<br />
national goal of solving the challenge of childhood obesity<br />
within a generation so that children born today will reach<br />
adulthood at a healthy weight. Let's Move! will engage<br />
every sector impacting the health of children to achieve the<br />
national goal, and will provide schools, families and<br />
communities simple tools to help kids be more active, eat<br />
better, and get healthy. This initiative is comprehensive,<br />
collaborative, and community-oriented, and it will<br />
specifically address the various factors that lead to<br />
childhood obesity by helping parents make healthier<br />
choices for their families, providing healthier food in<br />
schools, increasing physical activity, and increasing access<br />
to affordable food in all communities.<br />
<br />
We are going to need everyone working together to<br />
achieve our goal, and so I urge you to join us online at<br />
<a href="http://www.LetsMove.gov/" style="color: #0000cc;" target="_blank">www.LetsMove.gov</a>, where you can stay updated on news<br />
and connect with our efforts. Our strength as a Nation and<br />
our ability to responsibly shape our future depends upon<br />
tackling this issue, and I hope you stay active in the fight<br />
against obesity in your home community. We need your<br />
ideas, your hands, and your heart to lead us to a brighter,<br />
healthier tomorrow.<br />
<br />
Thank you again for writing. I wish you all the<br />
best.<br />
<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
<br />
<span class="il" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #ffff88; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: #222222;">Michelle</span> <span class="il" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #ffff88; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: #222222;">Obama</span></div></div>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-77644850748042631832011-02-27T09:19:00.001-08:002011-02-27T09:19:57.375-08:00Super Bowl Loss by Chuck Walley<h2 id="post-192" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; margin-bottom: 7px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><a href="http://www.adjustandproceed.com/2011/02/06/super-bowl-loss/" rel="bookmark" style="color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">Super Bowl Loss</a></h2><div class="comments" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(187, 187, 187); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 18px;">I’m a Steeler fan and as such, I’m bummed. My son, The Bean, over the years became a HUGE Steeler fan. Tonight was very tough for him. As he sat through the game, each Packer touchdown and each Steeler turnover brought him closer and closer to a 7.9 Richter scale meltdown.</span></div><div class="main" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><div class="vs-topic" link="http://www.adjustandproceed.com/2011/02/06/super-bowl-loss/" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" topic="Super Bowl Loss"><div style="line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Losing is a big problem for The Bean. His high school football team won its first eight games, before dropping three ugly turds at the end of the season. Those last three games weren’t close – they weren’t even on the same planet. And through them, The Bean exhibited meltdowns of horrific proportions. These were “I hope the referee doesn’t throw a penalty on The Bean” types of instances, where The Bean was certainly “using his words” but not very wisely. (“Where did he learn to talk like that? Oh, never mind…”)</div><div style="line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><a href="http://www.adjustandproceed.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/terrible-towel.jpg" style="color: #004477; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline;"><img alt="" class="alignleft size-full wp-image-198" height="220" src="http://www.adjustandproceed.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/terrible-towel.jpg" style="border-bottom-color: black; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 5px; border-left-color: black; border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 5px; border-right-color: black; border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 5px; border-top-color: black; border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 5px; float: left; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-left: 2px; padding-right: 2px; padding-top: 2px;" title="terrible-towel" width="320" /></a>Before the Super Bowl started, The Bean was as ready and was as high as a kite. His Steeler cap was on, the Terrible Towel in hand, and he was planning his victory celebration. Throughout the day, as I was trying to prepare him for a loss, he continually assured me he had everything under control.</div><div style="line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">As the first quarter ended, the Pack was up 14 – 0 and The Bean was in a complete nose-dive. We talked him into a chair where he sat and rooted for a comeback. More Steeler tragedy ensued and the spiral, momentarily on pause, was underway again.</div><div style="line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">This happened throughout the game – up and down. The game came down to the last two minutes, where the Steelers had to put a 90-yard drive together, or go home as runners up. At this moment, I got The Beans attention and told him “This is your Super Bowl – right here, right now. Not what happens on the TV screen, but what happens in your chair.” The Steelers’ drive didn’t hold and they lost the game.</div><div style="line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">The Bean… he held. He took the challenge and he pulled himself together. “The Packers played a great game.” For those in the room, it wasn’t fun listening to the drama throughout the night, but at the end, he held it together.</div><div style="line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">We made progress tonight. Tomorrow, who knows. Tonight, however, while the Steelers lost, The Bean got a win.</div></div></div><div class="meta group" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #f3f3f3; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-top-color: rgb(187, 187, 187); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 30px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px;"><div class="signature" style="border-right-color: rgb(187, 187, 187); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; float: left; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 15px; padding-top: 0px; width: 200px;"></div></div>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-90855059944583371102011-02-17T14:53:00.000-08:002011-03-06T08:29:36.121-08:00The Diagnosis - Digging Out Of The Trenches Marianne Russo<div class="post-body entry-content" style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div class="MsoNormal">Receiving a diagnosis is often times both a devastation and a relief for parents. The devastation comes in the form of a reality no parent wants to experience. That kick in the stomach and feeling of panic that can shake you to the core. The relief comes in the form of confirmation, confirmation that what you had suspected is in fact now a “label” or diagnosis and affirms your self doubt. Parents know when something is not right and having a diagnosis can give the parent much needed direction and focus. Getting to that first diagnosis is sometimes a journey in itself. There is often insecurity, confusion and differences of professional opinion. Go with your gut, even first time parents know when something is amiss. If you feel your child is not being evaluated properly it is your right as the parent to ask for further consultations. On the other hand, there are times when the parents are not aware of developmental delays or behavioral red flags which is why parents need to be approachable if teachers, pediatricians or experienced adults suggest there may be a problem. Putting off an evaluation or that discussion with your pediatrician is a mistake. All the current data shows that early intervention is key to successful treatment.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The journey of a special needs parent is not an easy one. There are lots of twists and turns and unraveling to be done. It takes time, sometimes years of adjusting and refocusing your direction of treatment and choice of medical professionals. Keep in mind that often with young children the diagnosis may change as time goes on and many disorders are complicated with comorbidity or wax and wane adding to the confusion. The first months and years are, I think, the most difficult and parents need to start constructing a lifestyle that will allow them the much needed time to research, become educated and seek the best opinions and treatments available for their child. Isolation is another concern for newly diagnosed special needs parents as the world suddenly seems overwhelming and foreign to them. Finding support and a friendly ear is very important. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Parents are at times at odds about receiving or accepting a diagnosis. Parents who are not on the same page struggle. Marriages are affected, siblings are affected and the special needs child becomes the center of controversy. Being on the same page is very important. There will be important decisions to be made, medication decisions, traditional or alternative approaches, choices of physicians to be on your medical team and many others. The primary care giver needs support. Both parents need to understand the stress the disorder puts on the other and offer empathy. Even the strongest of people at times need help coping and sorting out their emotions. Getting therapy for yourself or your marriage is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of understanding the gravity of the situation and building a united – solid foundation. Single parents have my heart. Single parenting a special needs child is one of the hardest jobs on earth. Finding support through family, friends and community resources is vital.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Accepting the diagnosis is one thing, accepting the life it brings is completely different. I call it the Life Unexpected. I think accepting “truly accepting” the life you will now have is key to progress and success. Of course we want to fix our children, we want to cure our children we want to make them whole and take away their emotional and physical pain but often times that is just not possible. Despite our best efforts, we cannot fix them, we cannot cure them. The best many of us can do is manage, treat, teach skills and accept not only the diagnosis but the effect the diagnosis will have on all our children, our marriage, our child’s education, our friends and family members and most of all our expectations of what our lives would be.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"> A diagnosis of autism or mental illness is devastating and of course different levels of impairment bring very different challenges but, it is what you have been given. It is up to you to take the unexpected and move forward –not just move forward - surge forward. You need to find that determination to do what you have to do. You need to go through many stages to get to your resolve. This determination is not just for your special needs child but for your whole family. The domino affect of an unstable situation can take hold quickly. Will you make mistakes, absolutely, sometimes big mistakes, I have, but you will keep going. You will forgive yourself, know you are doing the best you can and move on never giving up hope.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">To accept the “label” or diagnosis your child is given is often the easy part. Accepting that your life will be different, that your priorities will be different, that YOU are now different and knowing it will be alright – that is acceptance. Why is acceptance so important? Because this is a life long journey – the sooner you truly accept it, the easier the trip. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I think that one of the most important aspects of acceptance is sense of self you project on the child. I think it sends a strong message to the child when we are always looking for that cure or that fix that they are defective. Many children report feeling defective and shame. Feeling defective is one of the most reported feelings among special needs children and adults when discussing their childhood. Parents need to be careful to not add to that. Taking your child from doctor to doctor and therapy to therapy sends a message. Unfortunately, I think it is unavoidable but attention needs to be taken. Am I saying to not seek the best possible treatments? Absolutely not. Am I saying to limit therapies that are helping - Absolutely not. I think parents should never never never give up – keep digging – keep searching – keep researching – being persistant and sometimes going with your instincts pay off and pay off big time. But choose your words carefully around your child as to not add to their feeling damaged – that is a heavy load for a child to carry. My experience has been that discussing the child’s positives can outweigh the negatives they are feeling so make sure that your child knows they are great – great at anything – great at something – great in your eyes.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Being a special needs parent is not for sissy’s. This is no time to be intimidated or shy. You are your childs best advocate – you make the final medication and treatment decisions – you know your child – you observe improvements and regressions. You can interview pediatric or specialty practices to find the right fit – we did - you need to take control – research and become educated.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">If I had to say the number one thing for any newly diagnosed parent to do it is this - JOURNAL JOURNAL JOURNAL it is an absolute must. You are now your childs medical historian, the keeper of all records and observations that you will need, and often forget during chaotic times, to report to your medical team. Even a spiral notebook with a daily one or two sentence writing about what you are seeing will do. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">As I’ve written previously as in the case of anxiety and depressive disorders – ‘Mental illness its not all in your head” sometimes, not always but sometimes, there is an organic basis for anxiety disorders in children and adolescents and turning no stone unturned can open the door to “out of the box” thinking that can bring effective treatments. Doing so can lead you to many different specialists neurologists, developmental pediatricians, cardiologists even endocrinologists (who I feel are key for females w anxiety disorders and other signs of endocrine disease) and a full blood panel work up should be done before any medications or treatments are started. It is a lot of work, a lot of pressure but when it pays off, it really pays off. Putting together a team that will work together for your child will make all the difference in the world.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Understanding how a diagnosis of Autism or Mental Illness is derived is important for parents to understand as well. The DSM right now is not a friend of parents with children with mental illness in my opinion. Sensory issues are not criteria for autism which is a major omission – adult criteria is used for children with bipolar disorder when most children and teens do not present with clear episodes of mania and depression as do adults but are more chronic in nature with agitation, temper tantrums, rigidity and low frustration tolerance making the DSM criteria useless in diagnosing the majority of children with this mood disorder and temper disregulation. For the majority of kids true bipolar disorder is very rare. The updated DSM-V is under revision with much debate about Autism and Bipolar disorders and the possible addition of TDD <span style="color: #262626; font-family: Verdana;">Temper Dysregulation Disorder with Dysphoria</span>which I personally do not want to see. I think it has a very negative<span style="color: black; font-family: Helvetica;">connotation </span>and will add to the stigma. I do agree that additional diagnosis need to be added to account for this large population of children with mood and chronic agitation and hope that new gains being made in research are considered in the added criteria and labels. In the end the DSM is needed for medical insurance coding and for diagnosis for school accommodations, which by the way is very important, but as far as treatment, I think it is not a useful tool. Parents need to treat the symptoms not the diagnosis. A child with a diagnosis of ADHD that rages using stimulants should not be treated with stimulants because it is the drug approved for ADHD as an example. The DSM is used to classify and diagnose mental illness but is antiquated and will be getting a revised edition in 2012. A little DSM history – the first DSM was published in 1953 with only 66 disorders, 1968 second edition with 100 disorders, 1979 totally revamped with multi axial system of coding and upgrades, 1994 was the last revision with 400 disorders. It is long overdue and greatly anticipated. I am doing some very important interviews on my Blog Talk Radio show for The Coffee Klatch to make sure parents are aware of the significance and changes proposed.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So how do we get there? How do we dig out of the trenches? How do we get to that diagnosis and the acceptance of it? Stages vary among all parents but the isolation – anger – resentment - sadness even guilt seems to be universal. Everyone will experience it differently but I think parents need to feel it – it is painful to see your child suffer – it is important to acknowledge that pain for your child and for yourself. Often people comment on how myself and other moderators on The Coffee Klatch are so confident and strong. Guess what – we didn’t start this way – it was a process – it was done in stages – we have all been there, we have all dug out – some days it seems we are still digging.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So have your pity party – have a good cry – You deserve it - then pick yourself up and brush yourself off – you have a lot of work to do. As difficult as this journey is – in the end you will know unconditional love and the true meaning of a purpose in life that most could never imagine. This experience will change you – it is up to you whether it changes you for the better.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I wish you much luck, strength and calm. </div><div style="clear: both;"></div></div><div class="post-footer" style="border-top-color: rgb(191, 177, 134); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #29303b; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; padding-top: 6px;"></div>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-54513845392963610602011-02-14T08:52:00.000-08:002011-02-18T04:56:13.272-08:00Autism policy – How should we advise our state legislators? by Mae<div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">We are excited to participate in a pilot program sponsored by our local Arc chapter where we will be hosting a small group of parents, self-advocates and local legislators. The purpose of the meeting is to share our experiences and feedback about what’s working or not working with current policies and practices related to autism and other disabilities. I’m certain the stories will be compelling, heart-wrenching and inspiring, as in the case of one friend who was placed in a state-run hab center for years but is now *finally* living happily on his own. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">But I know that at some point, one of the legislators will turn to me and say “<em>Well, then, you’ve made your case for change. What can we do to help?”</em> </div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;"> I’m not sure if I am ready to answer the question. I do have some ideas, but I could use your help in taking these suggestions to a higher and more polished level. Here’s a start:</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;"><strong>Employment.</strong> I would like to see individuals with autism/disabilities have more opportunities for gainful employment. Sheltered workshops, though well-intentioned, are not the answer. If you don’t believe our kids are capable of having a true vocation, read Real Jobs for Real People, published by the Missouri Council for Developmental Disabilities. You can also check out the Danish company Specialisterne, which has received high praise for hiring autistic individuals (and their incredible attention to detail) to test new software. There are tax credits available to employers, but I think we need to take it a step further by cultivating a perception in our business communities that people with developmental disabilities are a willing, eager and valuable talent pool.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;"><strong>Housing</strong>. Okay, I admit it. I hate hab centers. Despite 11 years after the Olmstead Act (which states that people deserve the chance to live in the community), Missouri is one of 11 states which still places has individuals with disabilities in state-run institutions. Part of the problem is that there is very little affordable housing, so those that are in an institution have no other place to go.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">Fortunately, there is an excellent program called Money Follows the Person, which enables the individual to have more choice over his/her living arrangements. The way it works is that coordinators help the person to find a good place to live - whether it involves sharing an apartment with a roommate, finding a caregiver family or renting/buying a place on his own. Then, checks and balances are built into a person-centered plan to ensure that needed services and funding for those services will continue. Another beautiful thing about Money Follows the Person is that it grants a small amount (about $2500 per person) of one-time funds to help the transition. Sometimes the money is used for something as simple as a smaller wheelchair that will allow the person to move through smaller doorways in the new home or for assistive technology. I would like to see more of these programs put in place for adults with disabilities to transition not only from hab centers, but also from group homes, to more independent living.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;"><strong>Education.</strong>It irritates me that the measure of success for many special education schools and therapists is to ‘mainstream the children in a public school.’ What’s up with that? My son has been mainstreamed since a moms-day-out program and nursery school. I want the measure of my son’s educational success to be 1) getting into college and 2) being prepared for the career of his choosing. Pu-lease. And don’t even think about dumping him into vo-tech in high school, either. I don’t mind if he takes a few community college courses for enrichment and career training, but I don’t want to stop him from having the opportunity to take the same high-school courses as anyone else.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;"> I would also like to encourage educators to balance ’catching-up’ efforts with nurturing a student’s strengths. My child may find reading challenging, but he’s an expert in social studies and science. Why should he have to play to his lowest common denominator?</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">Finally, I think some sort of voucher program for private schools and tutoring would be very helpful. We need to teach educators that our children are capable of learning, but they might need to be taught differently. And yes, we understand that teachers already have ‘way too much to do, so the vouchers would allow us to supplement our children’s education without putting more on their plates.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;"><strong>Parent Support</strong>. We need all the help we can get! Remember, ours is the first generation that wasn’t routinely enocouraged to place children with autism into institutions. We don’t know what we are doing half of the time. We are writing the handbook, so please, please…keep funding the Parents as Teachers program, parent-to-parent mentor programs and in-home parent training. And while you are at it, Mr/Ms Legislator, please support the continuation of those supports until our children are 30…well, okay, at least 21.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;"><strong>Health Care.</strong> We’re lucky – we have what most people would consider to be great insurance. We can get free office visits, free antibiotics, free teeth-cleaning, free emergency room visits, but we can’t get free language therapy for our son. The new Missouri autism insurance reform bill should help *we think,* but we’d like to see therapy coverage for adults after the age of 18. After all, a person is never too old to learn, and some of our kids simply aren’t ready to develop certain skills until they are well past their teens. I have a dear friend who has had difficulty with reading her entire life just start to sail through hefty chapter books at age 22!</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;"><strong>Ending the Wait List.</strong> Why is it that the money being spent on social programs isn’t hitting the right places? It is similar to the aid programs that was granted to third world countries in the late 60s/early 70s – much of the money went into a dictator’s pocket! (there’s an analogy to polish up, if you would be so kind). In other words, the money is flowing, but there are still too many people on wait lists for housing and services. Sometimes, I think that the people who benefit the most are the sheltered workshop owners, the hab center workers and other administrators of “Disability, Incorporated,” while those in the trenches are underpaid and overworked. <em>Re-engineering</em> or <em>right-sizing</em> may sound like harsh terms, but I bet that if we streamline the current convoluted processes and paperwork, then we may be able to generate enough savings to help put those monies in the hands of the families that need them the most.</div><div><br />
</div>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-45484363323141920292011-02-02T08:53:00.001-08:002011-02-02T08:53:30.009-08:00Of Groundhogs, Snowstorms and Planning for the Future<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">So as I sit here at my desk and stare out the window looking at the sixth major snow storm that we have had since Christmas, I have to say that that darn groundhog better not see his damn shadow tomorrow. I can’t tell you how tired I am of snow, ice, sleet, cold and a generally feeling <iframe align="left" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=rasiaspeskids-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=B000Z8GZYW&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=DFF2FF&bg1=DFF2FF&f=ifr" style="height: 245px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px; width: 131px;"></iframe>of blah. I am sure it has something to do with seasonal affective disorder, so I take my vitamin D pills and try to exercise several times a week. But what I really need quite frankly is for it to be April. You see February is brutal here and March can be kind of iffy so I look forward to April because once the forsythia starts to bloom, there is that ray of sunshine and hope for warmer weather. Listen, it’s not that I don’t know what a really cold winter happens to be. I was born and raised in this neck of the woods, but this year is ridiculous. It’s not just winter, it is WINTER…I have officially decided to rename where I live The East Coast Tundra of the United States. The snowdrifts are so high they reach up to your butt and the dogs disappear into them. Of course the dogs are happy rolling around in the snow. Listen, the Wheaton is eleven so I am chalking his antics up to a form of old age dementia and as far as the Labradoodle is concerned, he is just plain batshitcrazy, but in an adorable, very loveable sort of way.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">So here I sit, kvetching my spoiled heart out to those that will listen and as they say blogging is cathartic, so I am really beginning to feel better. Getting this out has really started to help with my overall disposition. Of course, I just heard that another storm is rolling in tomorrow and instead of snow we are getting a major ice storm…oh goodie goodie goodie. Possibly up to half an inch. If you don’t hear from me for awhile, its because the electric decided to take a staycation.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">The truth is that sitting here watching the beef stew cook; I have been contemplating the next adventure to start in our life, HSB’s entrance into college. Interestingly just the other day hubby, that Wise Old Sage, reminded me of some things that he feels is important that families with younger children need to actually pay attention to as their children get older. He told me that whenever he meets a parent with a young child on the autism spectrum these are the things he wants them to be aware of:</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;">1)<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span>Trust your instinct. If things are not right, they are not right. Whether at school, or just in general.</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;">2)<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span>Don’t listen when the school tells you how great they are doing socially, academically or emotionally. Watch what is really going on, don’t just take their word for it. Children make improvements sure, but are they really improvements that would allow them to be independent when that yellow bus stops coming to your door. The schools also provide terrific support, but their job is to only make sure that your child gets through school. Listen a lot of them are wonderful people, the boys would not have made it without so many of them and their incredible hard work, but once your child walks out that door, the school has no obligation to your child anymore and their attention is about the next child they need to get through 12<sup>th</sup> grade. The next step is all up to you and you alone.</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;">3)<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span>Have a plan in place for when the children are adults. Make sure years before that you know what is out there for them and how to go about accessing the system. Make sure what information you have to have at the ready and how long it takes to get registered. Don’t assume that you can walk into a social services agency the day after graduation and everything will be set. I know people who years after graduation are still trying to get their children into programs and get the state support that they need.</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;">4)<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span>Remember that each step and growth and development is a major transition, just because they could function in their little classroom or in the school doesn’t mean that they will be good on their own in their next environment. Prepare.</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23px; text-align: center;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.496094) 1px 1px 5px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px; position: relative; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://thundercloud.net/wallpaper/thirty-one/spring-flowers-by-aprilrose.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #3300cc; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://thundercloud.net/wallpaper/thirty-one/spring-flowers-by-aprilrose.jpg" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0976562) 0px 0px 0px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; position: relative;" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
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</tbody></table><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;">5)<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span>Research independent of all the experts what your children can do with themselves once they are either 18 or 21(this depends on your state's age of majority). Find out about employment, educational programs and opportunities in your area or state for those with disabilities. Find out about training and vocational programs as well as post secondary college (community or 4-year). Find out the supports available in these programs and what is and is not allowed. There may be some basic concepts for post secondary education but each post secondary program can make up their own accessibility rules and what they will and will not permit.</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;">6)<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span>Do not count on social security or Medicaid either. Whether these social programs will be here in the future or not is not the issue, what is the problem is that just because you feel your child is disabled enough for government support doesn’t mean the government will provide them with adult support (standards are very different when dealing with the government on an adult level). So prepare that they will receive no help and be glad if they get some backing.</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;">7)<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span>Get a good estate attorney who knows about special needs trusts, even trusts in general and wills. Find out about becoming an adult child’ s guardian and making sure that all papers (living wills, healthcare proxies, etc.) are signed when they come of age. Just because you think you can tell the doctors what to do with your child when they are 18 or older doesn’t mean the doctors have to tell you anything or even listen to you at all. Heck the college wouldn’t event talk to us if collegeman hadn’t signed a piece of paper saying that they could, even though they know that he has aspergers.</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;">8)<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b>And most of all</b>, this is something the Wise Old Sage finds so very important; stash as much money away as you can. I know it’s hard when you are also spending a fortune on therapies as they are young, but see if you can do it. It is money that will help your child when they are adults, whether its hiring classroom coaches, life skills coaches, more therapists and support personnel. Don’t expect the state or anyone else to do this for you. As expensive as it is when they are younger we had no idea how this was going to set us into a whirlwind. Hubby turns to me all the time, and says, we should have been smarter. We thought everything was gong to be fine by the time they were 18. Who would have thought that things would have gotten harder financial, OK the recent financial meltdown didn’t help to say the least. But we thought we had all the time in the world, yet you really don’t. It is so unreal that in so many ways the boys actually need more supports as adults than they did when they were little and so much more disabled. Or quite frankly so much more of the support, in fact all of it, is on our backs.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">So when we started out on our journey oh so many years ago, it never would have dawned on us that over 15 years later, we would still be fighting and learning and doing. We had no idea what the future truly was going to be and we had no idea how much we should have prepared. So I tell you to prepare, make sure that you have those ducks in a row.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><iframe align="left" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=rasiaspeskids-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=B000C20VSC&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=DFF2FF&bg1=DFF2FF&f=ifr" style="height: 245px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px; width: 131px;"></iframe>In just a few months my baby graduates from high school. There will be no more support from the state for him anymore than there is support for collegeman. Yes, the college is wonderful. They allow any supports that the boys need. But it is all financially on us. If we couldn’t afford the classroom coaches, neither boy could go to school. They can’t handle it on their own and the school cannot handle their issues, and quite frankly they are not legally bound to. I don’t blame the school for not being able to handle the boys’ issues. You must understand your own child’s neediness and work with the school so your child can learn, grow and be a viable member of post secondary education, while not inhibiting someone else’s education as well. College is different. And as we are finding out law school, heck the damn law boards alone, are an eye opener into more of the “real” world for the boys. Just something else to have to prepare for. Also don’t assume that the fights will be over by the time your child gets to adulthood 15 years from now. Some of the issues we are experiencing for collegeman especially have been going on for decades and remain unresolved.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">So here I am once again thinking about stress and obligations and making myself maudlin. Shouldn’t really. There are a lot of new adventures to come and quite frankly things are looking up. A lot of good things are happening right now. It is one of those rare moments in time where everyone is happy and healthy. I am going to blame seasonal affective disorder. Honestly, if that darn Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow tomorrow I am going to make myself some groundhog stew.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23px; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23px; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.theepochtimes.com/n2/images/stories/large/2009/04/20/6-SpringFlowersSLC.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #3300cc; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://www.theepochtimes.com/n2/images/stories/large/2009/04/20/6-SpringFlowersSLC.jpg" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.496094) 1px 1px 5px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; padding-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px; position: relative;" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">Until next time,</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">Elise</div>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-89238384779191267432011-02-02T08:47:00.001-08:002011-02-02T08:47:59.239-08:00Just Eat The Donut by Hartley Steiner<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">"You haven't lived until you've dissected a doughnut."</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Several weeks ago, I posted that as my Facebook status, and got a few puzzled comments. Most of my friends could not understand what I was talking about.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">But you, my fellow parents of children with sensory issues, you understand. Don't you?</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">My son is an incredibly picky eater. In order for him to eat a plain doughnut, we have to remove the "brown" off the outside of it, so just the inside white part is exposed. This stems from the fact that over a year ago, he gagged on a plain doughnut, and the sensory memory of that has stayed with him ever since. So for him to be able to eat it, he has to have the outside surgically removed. Never mind the fact that he's able to eat a plain munchkin no problem. The memory is from the doughnut, and can't be changed, reasoned with, or explained.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">So, you ask, why even bother giving him the doughnut in the first place? Give him a different kind. Or none at all.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Because my son isn't just a picky eater. He's a picky eater with SPD and autism, who also happens to have an intolerance to all corn products.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">That's right. His diet, already limited by his sensory disorder, is that much smaller because he can't digest anything with corn. That means no corn starch, no corn syrup, no modified food starch, no dextrose, no maltodextrin, and of course,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="http://www.hartleysboys.com/2009/05/secrets-in-dog-puke.html" style="color: #2288bb; text-decoration: none;">no high fructose corn syrup</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">I'll give you a moment to go check your pantry and see how many foods have some corn product in them. I'll name a few kid-friendly ones: Cheerios, Rice Krispies, several brands of peanut butter, breads, jellies, crackers, chicken nuggets, hot dogs, bologna, deli meats, yogurts...and we haven't even left the house. Forget about fast food or eating out most places.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="" name="more"></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">So that's why we indulge him with the doughnut. Because that plain doughnut from Dunkin' Donuts is the only thing there that he can eat. And if his brothers are getting a treat from there, we like to make sure he can have something special too.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">As you can imagine, getting food (and calories) into him is a challenge and always has been. He's had this intolerance since he was born, and has barely stayed on the growth charts these past four years. We've worked with occupational therapists when he was younger to help with his gag reflex to certain textures, and have had some success in that area. But his memory is long for such a young guy. Foods that he has thrown up in the past never make it back into the food rotation - strawberries, french fries, soft fruit bars, and of course, the outside of that doughnut. We've had nutritionists suggest adding olive oil to his yogurt smoothies for more calories, but we're afraid to alter the one thing we know he'll drink.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">All of this makes meal times very difficult. The SPD, the autism, and the food intolerance add up to some very interesting dinner adventures. My oldest bolts from the table whenever he sees his brother start to gag. One night, my son will eat an entire grilled cheese sandwich. The next week, served the exact same thing, he'll take one bite and walk away. Or maybe not even a bite at all because he doesn't like the way it smells. All his senses come to the table with him when he eats. And no amount of prodding, begging, encouraging or yelling will get him to eat something that he has decided is not okay for consumption at that moment.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">We've been dealing with this for enough years now that for the most part we just accept it. Like every other challenge that comes with SPD, we try to anticipate what could happen and plan accordingly. If we're going to a friend's house, I warn them ahead of time that he might not eat anything to make sure they won't be offended. We bring our food for him to</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="http://trydefyinggravity.wordpress.com/2010/10/11/maybe-this-time/" style="color: #2288bb; text-decoration: none;">restaurants </a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">and pizza parties so we don't have to worry about the ingredients in every dish. We've brought our own cupcakes to birthday parties and always have a stash of goldfish and corn-free pretzel sticks handy just in case.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">I will admit there are moments when I just lose it at the dinner table. Maybe it's the night that I've worked incredibly hard on a new recipe and my son won't even touch it because it doesn't</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><i>look right</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">. Or maybe it's the night that I've ordered the same pizza that he always eats from the one corn-free pizza place in town, and he decides he doesn't like it anymore. On those nights - the ones when he ends up with a yogurt and crackers for dinner - those are the hardest nights for me as a parent. I leave the table feeling like I've failed at one of the most important things I'm supposed to do: feed my child.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">I'm hoping that at some point, he'll outgrow both the corn intolerance and the sensory issues surrounding food in general. Until then, we'll continue to dissect the doughnuts. Because while some may call it overindulgence, we call it a way to get through the day.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">"</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><i>Just eat it, eat it , eat it<br />
Get yourself an egg and beat it<br />
Have some more chicken, have some more pie<br />
It doesn't matter , it's broiled or fried<br />
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it<br />
eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, ooh</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">" - Eat It by Weird Al Yankovic</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-49396574137144636352011-02-02T08:43:00.000-08:002011-02-02T08:43:38.803-08:00Raising a Confidant, Capable, Contented Child ~ Lorna d'entremontPart 1<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Molding of a child’s self worth starts in his formative years where the parents are the major role players. The parent’s positive reinforcements will determine how a child feels about himself and the others around him. </span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Being your child’s selective cheerleader will help him have faith in his abilities and be eager to tackle new risks. Being overboard and cheering 24/7 will result in an arrogant or conceited individual that not many people will like.</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: inherit;"><strong>How Do Parents Achieve a Happy Balance Between Praise and Helpful Criticism </strong></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_coC5Q41walw/TUl0FDBJfEI/AAAAAAAAArg/_UWuSbnAlUU/s1600/glissoire2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; color: #355891; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="200" s5="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_coC5Q41walw/TUl0FDBJfEI/AAAAAAAAArg/_UWuSbnAlUU/s200/glissoire2.jpg" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; padding-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px; position: relative;" width="150" /></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">Remember there are no set moulds that fit every child. Each child is unique and your parenting techniques have to be adjusted for your situation. But giving your child feedback, both praise and helpful criticism, is necessary for your youngster. Praise will let him know he is on the right track. Helpful criticism will get him back on track, and if well done, will give him tips to avoid similar pitfalls and to apply to other disappointments or failures.</span></div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The golden rule in building self worth in a child is to start early and to always be truthful. Any event during childhood is a great opportunity to start boosting your child’s view of himself. You want the youngster to feel proud and pleased with himself not just to feel he pleased his parents. However, only give praise when it is warranted. The praise must be sincere because in his heart he will know if he has earned it.</span></div><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_coC5Q41walw/TUl0aVGrfvI/AAAAAAAAArk/Ydap7LPwKIc/s1600/carousel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #355891; float: left; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="200" s5="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_coC5Q41walw/TUl0aVGrfvI/AAAAAAAAArk/Ydap7LPwKIc/s200/carousel.jpg" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; padding-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px; position: relative;" width="149" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When celebrating an achievement, praise the positive steps, the preparation, the persistence on your child’s part that made this a success. By pointing these out, it arms him with tools for the sub conscience for getting the next project done right.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Be selective and truthful with your praise as well as with your criticism. You must applaud your child’s efforts and improvements but be realistic. This constant pouring of praise can backfire and result in a spoiled, awful child who has no regard for others nor their feelings. At all times, strive for a healthy balance between praise, helpful criticism and knowing when to let it go. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="color: #073763; font-family: inherit;"><strong>How to Build Self Confidence </strong></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
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</span><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_coC5Q41walw/TUl0vWszzaI/AAAAAAAAAro/6vE-oD4yf_M/s1600/bff.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; color: #355891; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="149" s5="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_coC5Q41walw/TUl0vWszzaI/AAAAAAAAAro/6vE-oD4yf_M/s200/bff.bmp" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; padding-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px; position: relative;" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">To tip the balance in your child’s favor, plan activities in an area you know your child is good. His skill in this activity will give you the opportunity to praise him and a feeling of accomplishment on his part. Age-appropriate responsibilities around the house will also provide opportunities to experience success.</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Look constantly to give positive affirmation of his qualities, attempts and achievements. Making your child feel loved and lovable paves the way to better relationships and success at school. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Part 2</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span><br />
<div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;">When your child starts going to school, this is the first step in the big, bad world where you have a lot less control and where you must trust others to continue the work you started at home. Have you done enough? Is your child ready? What is your role now?</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;"></div><br />
<div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;"><strong><span style="color: #073763;">What Happens When Your Child Goes to School</span></strong></div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;">Hopefully his teachers will constantly be trying to do the same thing as you have. And that is to nurture a self-advocating, confident, little person who acts independently and gladly accepts new challenges. A hint to his teacher about his interests and skill in certain areas will help the teacher know how to shine the light on your child to let him experience success to build his self worth.</div><br />
<div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;">Raising children with high self-esteem must be done as team work with the school. First, all must know your child’s weaknesses and his strengths so efficient intervention is arranged. Work with his teacher and know what both you and the school expect of this little soul under your care. Know what his potential is and work with that. Genuine appreciation for his efforts as well as his results will go a long way in the overall happiness and success of your child.</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;"><strong><span style="color: #073763;">Can the Bar Be Too High</span></strong></div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;"><br />
</div>Do not compare his results with his peers, with his siblings and even with his progress in other areas. He is his own man, strengths and weaknesses. I have seen too often, sullen, listless children in my classrooms who have completely given up trying because they feel nothing they do will be good enough for their parents who have set the bar too high.<br />
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A friend told me she believes in providing <strong><span style="color: #073763;">Step Stools</span></strong> instead of lowering the bar. Her step stools would include new paths, remedial help, counseling, after school and summer holiday tutors.<br />
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<div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_coC5Q41walw/TUeBJMG-fVI/AAAAAAAAArU/HJCy8C8tlC8/s1600/boyyellowchewelry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #355891; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" s5="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_coC5Q41walw/TUeBJMG-fVI/AAAAAAAAArU/HJCy8C8tlC8/s1600/boyyellowchewelry.jpg" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; padding-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px; position: relative;" /></a>These measures are all good and sometimes essential but the goals must remain realistic. I am talking of students as young as 8 or 9 years of age with no spark left, just despair as they think of the new, promised toy they will never get as a reward for better results.</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;"><strong><span style="color: #073763;">What About Gifts for Achievement</span></strong></div><br />
What about gift giving as a carrot to get your child to strive for higher grades? Once more, focus on a reachable goal, one that is fun for the child, facilitated by the parents’ involvement and an attainable outcome for his teachers.<br />
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Celebrate small steps, reward daily effort and progress and do not wait for the big ending or there will never be one. Many special needs parents have coined a new word ‘inchstone’. They rejoice with each inchstone their child makes while lucky others can celebrate milestones.<br />
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<strong><span style="color: #073763;">Parents, Be Proactive and Present </span></strong><br />
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This is not rocket science. Parents must interact with that little being every day. Formulate your questions about his day so a verbal sentence with emotions and thought is required as an answer. Know what your child finds difficult and figure out a way with him and his teacher to remedy the problem before it escalates. Know what he finds fun and can do well and celebrate minor achievements.<br />
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Be proactive to catch problems as soon as they arise. Moreover, every school day, parents should check what is in their child’s school bag. This gives another occasion to discuss his day as you go over what he brought home.<br />
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<div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;">We had friends from Switzerland who were paying us a visit. One day, when our young son arrived from school, he emptied his school bag on the table, like he always did, and I casually picked up a few drawings, made some comments and asked him a few questions all in French, the language of our home. Our Swiss, German speaking visitor came in the kitchen and said pointing to the opened school bag:<em> “Parents in all countries, in all languages do the same things each day.”</em> Taking a these few minutes each day can make your child's whole day at school much better.</div><br />
<strong><span style="color: #073763;">Why Checking School Bags Is Important</span></strong><br />
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<div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_coC5Q41walw/TUeCzrzsefI/AAAAAAAAArc/RIR_9xjAX58/s1600/sac.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; color: #355891; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" s5="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_coC5Q41walw/TUeCzrzsefI/AAAAAAAAArc/RIR_9xjAX58/s1600/sac.jpg" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; padding-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px; position: relative;" /></a>I remember having worked long and hard on individual projects with my Grade 3 students. The students all had accomplished so much and were all excited to show them to their parents. The many hours of research, writing, editing, illustrating and coloring finished, the projects were safely put in envelopes addressed to their parents and tucked in the school bags.</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;">The bell rings and my happy troupe trots of to the buses. Cleaning up after school, I found one of the projects crushed and dumped in the trash can. The next day, after a troubling, sleepless night, I discreetly sneaked a conversation with this child to know why he did not bring his project home. Answer: <em>“I might as well dump it in the garbage here, my parents empty my bag into our home garbage without looking at anything!”</em></div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;">At 9 years of age, this little boy had loss the race even before leaving the stating gate… in University did I learn how to mend broken hearts and broken spirits?</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;">Collaboration, Cheerleading and Caring will render your children, Special Needs or not, well adjusted, independent, resilient citizens of tomorrow.</div><div><br />
</div>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-65423250030784541222010-12-15T07:18:00.000-08:002010-12-15T07:18:23.080-08:00Personal Reason To Rejoice About New Study On Tourette Syndrome by Pierrette and Lorna d'Entremont<div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;"><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">While searching Google for the simplest way to describe <strong><span style="color: #073763;">Tourette Syndrome</span></strong>, I had a flash back to fifteen years ago when I received a frantic call from our</span></div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">daughter at the University of Ottawa announcing that she had been diagnosed with <strong><span style="color: #073763;">TS</span></strong>. Immediately after the call, I rushed to research what was Tourette. For years we had sought answers and treatments to help our attractive, above average, intelligent daughter deal with the demons crowding her life.<br />
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My search, those many years ago, finally let us understand what our daughter had to confront every day and night. Living in a rural Nova Scotia area with hardly any professional support, we struggled through her childhood and through her teen years. Finally specialists in the Ottawa area had but an end to our questioning and had given us a diagnoses to explain our life coping with unknown symptoms. That day, I learned another new word: other <strong><span style="color: #073763;">comorbid conditions</span></strong>. The same struggles continued, only now we had names for these demons.<br />
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Wikipedia tells us: “Tourette syndrome, or simply Tourette's or TS is an inherited neuropsychiatric disorder with onset in childhood, characterized by the presence of multiple physical (motor) tics and at least one vocal (phonic) tic; these tics characteristically wax and wane. Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) are often associated with Tourette's.<br />
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Undiagnosed comorbid conditions may result in functional impairment, and it is necessary to identify and treat these conditions to improve functioning. Complications may include depression, sleep problems, social discomfort and self-injury.” With these symptoms challenging their every day, you can see why news about a possible break in the search for treatment of TS is very exciting.<br />
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A study, led by<strong> Matthew State</strong>, M.D., published in the New England Journal of Medicine by Yale School of Medicine researchers May 5th 2010, gives hope for treatment of Tourette syndrome (TS).<br />
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The Yale researchers worked with a father and all eight of his children who had Tourette syndrome. The State lab took DNA samples of all members of this family and were able to identify a rare mutation in a gene called 1-histidine de carboxylase (HDC) in the samples from the TS members. This gene makes a protein that is required for the production of histamine. <strong><span style="color: #073763;">Histamine</span></strong> has a role in allergic response and is also a neurotransmitter that influences a variety of brain functions. They found that the mutated protein lost its function.<br />
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Strong evidence, that genetic mutations contribute to TS, had lead researchers in this direction for over a decade. Dr. State said that past work on brain histamine by other labs shows that mice with low levels of histamine are more prone to repetitive behaviors that are similar to human tics, and that increasing brain histamine reverses this problem.</span></div><br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_coC5Q41walw/S-dE21xLtOI/AAAAAAAAAO0/sVrgiinhaaw/s1600/us_beach.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #355891; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_coC5Q41walw/S-dE21xLtOI/AAAAAAAAAO0/sVrgiinhaaw/s200/us_beach.bmp" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; cursor: move; padding-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px; position: relative;" tt="true" unselectable="on" width="155" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;">"We were lucky to happen across a gene pointing to a well-studied area in neuroscience, pointed out State. There are several new medications in development that increase the release of brain histamine. Based on this genetic finding, these compounds would be good candidates for new treatments for Tourette."</span></div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">As you can see, Tourette, like many other medical conditons, has many facets and grey areas for which the medical community has no answers. Let us hope the above gene mutation study results in real, long awaited answers …it was in 1884 that Gilles de la Tourette, using the name "maladie des tics", first described the symptoms and in his honor the illness was given his name.</span><br />
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Looking for more posts on Tourette? Check out:<br />
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<strong><a href="http://kidcompanions.blogspot.com/2010/05/nix-your-tics-strategies-to-eliminate.html" style="color: #355891; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #073763;">Nix Your Tics! Eliminate Unwanted Tic Symptoms by Duncan McKinlay</span></a></strong><br />
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<strong><a href="http://kidcompanions.blogspot.com/2010/05/tourette-syndrome-your-child-his-tics.html" style="color: #355891; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #073763;">Tourette Syndrome ~ Your Child, His Tics and School </span></a></strong><br />
</div>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-81737863784273237842010-12-15T07:14:00.000-08:002010-12-15T07:14:10.116-08:00Generalizing The Specifics - by Elise (Aspergers)<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">A primary issue for children on the autism spectrum is generalization: the ability to take what they learn from one situation and apply it in a totally different scenario. The scenarios may not even be all that different, but introduce a new dynamic or remove a familiar item, and the child can get thrown off kilter and lose the resources they just learned. It's similar to the issues my younger son, HSB, has in math. When given a math formula and the appropriate number equivalents for the algebraic letters, he is able to apply the formula and even understands the reasoning and purpose. But if he is required to take that formula and apply in an unfamiliar word problem or with an unfamiliar set of numbers, he will get lost. He is not able to generalize the specific information that he learned for that math equation. So too, do autistic children have issues being able to understand how certain appropriate behaviors are applied across the board and are general to the entire social paradigm. The question then becomes: how can you help them understand how to accomplish this goal? What can you do to help your child relate their social lessons to each and every situation that they face?</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Interestingly, Dr. Temple Grandin accomplishes this task by keeping what she terms a running Rolodex of social situations in her head. She remembers them as if they were social stories, so that she is able to access and filter what she needs to accomplish, how, when, and even why. However, that is not how most of our children will function. It is actually an intriguing idea and concept to use your brain as if it were a social story computer, but that is not going to work for everyone. Especially those like HSB who have a working memory shortfall.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">So what do you do? Well to start with, you do teach for the moment. As I always say, you take each moment as it comes. You get them through the challenge of the hour and then when all is calm and all is quiet you sit them down and continue the lesson. You point out to them what happened and how it was dealt with. You talk it through with them what was and was not appropriate. You problem solve how they could have done things better or how they actually did terrifically. You make them understand that certain behaviors that they accomplished at that given moment are actually a general concept and that it should be applied liberally.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">For example: How does someone behavior in a grocery store? You practice looking for your items. You practice walking appropriately in the aisles. You practice waiting you turn at the check out and you practice asking for help from one of the sales clerks. When they accomplish this goal of navigating the supermarket, you next take them to the toy store. You</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><i>pre-teach</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">the situation by reminding them of the appropriate behaviors in the supermarket and how they apply in the toy store as well. You can use social stories, flash cards, and even basic children’s books on what happens when their favorite character goes to the toy store. You try to get them to understand that behavior in a public store is the same in every store.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Now without a doubt you do not have to follow the supermarket with a toy store. In fact, since our children do have the hardest time in toy stores, (the choices can overwhelm them and they are unable to choose a toy) I would actually even make that one of the last lessons you teach. But that is something you and you alone are going to have to decide how to handle and when it becomes a good idea. Something else too, don’t be afraid if your child is not following the rules to leave the store.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">I can’t tell you how many times I have left a grocery cart full of items because the boys may have been acting up at that moment. If you cannot calm them down, you leave. There may be a myriad reasons for the meltdown. There can be a sensory overload, which even if you calm them down initially may just erupt again, so be prepared. There may be the tantrum that they want Cocoa Puffs instead of Cheerios for breakfast. This is the tricky part, because our children do have a hard time making choices, but you cannot let them tantrum, you cannot let them melt down, and you above all cannot give into their desire to have both cereals, or give them the cereal you do not want them to have.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">You need to be aware of the difference between meltdown and tantrum, whether your child is having issues because of the autism, or issues because they are children and want what they want when they want it. However, in many of these situations your response has to be the same: you must walk away. It breaks your heart, especially when you know that it is a sensory issue or their inability to choose, but they</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><i>must</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">learn to choose. They</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><i>must</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">learn to channel their coping skills with sensory issues as well. Again, this is where the pre-teaching comes in. The preparation before the excursion can help with these situations.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">It doesn't always work. At some points you may think your child is never ever going to learn how to choose one item from a store, or understand that they just can’t have a certain type of food. I still remember the day I took nursery school-aged HSB to the local candy/toy store. I told him going in that he could only have one toy. We practiced it and we talked about it. So lo and behold he decides he wants two toys. I reminded him that he had to choose one. That was the rule. I even helped him by choosing the toy for him. But he started to tantrum that he wanted both.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">I am quite aware that as a child on the spectrum he saw what he saw and he wanted it. That perhaps in many ways he was unable to truly choose and that without both toys his internal systems told him that his life was going to be miserable. However, that is not life. Reality is that you have to make choices. You must choose between toys. We teach this lesson not because we want to be cruel, but because we know that there will come a time in life that your child will have to choose between food and a video game or health insurance and a manga. You cannot begin to teach this coping skill when they are 30 years old. This is a skill that takes a lifetime of teaching. You must begin sometime. They have to understand, as all persons do, that there are limits and those limits are part of the social construct that they will be living in. Yes, as with all things in the social realm this can be harder for them to understand and grasp than for someone who is neurotypical, but they can grasp it. It just may take an inordinate amount of time and make you feel like the Wicked Witch of the West.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Honestly, this also goes for being able to curtail certain habits or the need to eat junk food and trying to have good sleeping habits. Learning limits, whether about toys, candy, spending, or appropriate behavior, leads to a better life and a more successful view of the world. And whether we think so or not, when they are three and crying their eyes out because you didn’t buy them that toy, they just may thank us one day when they are able to live on their own, successfully leading the life they choose for themselves. (OK not thank us, but at least not call us names anymore.)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">By the way, the story in the candy/toy store ends with me actually picking HSB up and putting him under my arm and carrying him out of the store. I told him he had to choose and when he threw a fit, refused to choose we left the store. Did it have an immediate impact on his ability or desire to make choices? No. I would be lying if I said it did. It still took time and several more store episodes for him to understand that life is a series of choices, but he learned and even over time he learned that sometimes the choices you make are not the ones you want but they are the ones you have to deal with.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">The reality is that there are basic concepts that our children need to be taught and they can be taught in many ways. Here is a small list of generalized behaviors:</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><br />
<ol style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><li style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-indent: 0px;">Walking and speaking appropriately in a store.</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-indent: 0px;">Finding the item you want in the proper way: looking at markers in the store or asking for help appropriately</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-indent: 0px;">Standing in line to pay, and waiting your turn if there is any kind of issue to be addressed.</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-indent: 0px;">Making sure that you have the right amount of money to pay for the item (of course this is for older children who may need to even pay for their own lunch at school). However, you can start this process by pointing out to your child how you are paying for the item and that the money is in the bank or even handing over cash when you pay. (It is interesting to note, that persons on the autism spectrum can have very bad relationships with money. Budgeting and money management needs to be reinforced from a young age.)</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-indent: 0px;">Using proper etiquette when speaking to someone: thank you, please, you're welcome -- it all goes a long way in gaining acceptance and help in society. Demanding and requiring someone to do something for you generally gets no one anywhere. </li>
</ol><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Our children need to learn to recognize these social attributes. It's essential. So many of our children, due to their speech issues, auditory processing and language issues, have modulation issues as well and their anxiety comes out in their actions/tone of voice. They may be very anxious in any given social situation and it may come out in the way they address someone in a store. The clerk will think your child is being rude or obnoxious when they are simply anxious. Try to get your child to recognize how their body feels, teach them how to cope with the public/social anxiety.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">The truth of the matter is that as with everything that our children do, it is only through practice and more practice and even more practice that they will learn to generalize in social situations. Now as far as math is concerned, it took a lot of work to be able to generalize the formulas and at times HSB still does not get it. But that is OK. We came to the conclusion a long time ago that HSB is not going to be a theoretical physicist or an electrical engineer. But interestingly enough he is able to generalize criticism and attributes of video games and films. It seems that is where his abilities lie, which is a good thing considering that is where he has pinned his future career hopes. Of course, he is still going to have to learn to make choices and you know what, he still doesn’t like that, but luckily he doesn’t throw tantrums anymore, because at almost 6 feet and 200 pounds he is just too big for me to put under my arm and walk out of a store.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
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</span>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-7020306782805873622010-12-14T14:52:00.000-08:002010-12-14T14:52:07.466-08:00Values vs. Hype Elise guest post at Cutest Kid Ever<div style="color: #111111; font-family: Calibri, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">The national news is full of stories about how people are ready and willing to start spending at holiday time once again. It seems they have confidence in the economy so now while they aren’t going to go crazy at the stores; they are going to make a big dent in that credit card or savings account. You can see the glee in everyone’s eyes and the inundation of buy buy buy…from commercials, to catalogs to online advertisements. We are bombarded minute by minute about all the material things we should have and how we are the worst parents in the world if we don’t buy our children that one extra special or several special toys. It seems the materialism that runs our world has returned and it is once again off to the races.</div><div style="color: #111111; font-family: Calibri, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Now what is a parent to do? Truthfully, the last few years may have been hard economically, but there was that added bonus of correcting our vision of what is right and wrong in our world. We were able to get in touch with what is truly important and redirect our perspectives. The nice thing about it was that you could include your children in on this total about face. We were able to remind ourselves and our family of what the meaning of this season happens to be and how we should approach it and in fact approach every day of our lives.</div><div style="color: #111111; font-family: Calibri, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span id="more-2794" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"></span>Now, for our family, charity happens to be a way of life. We regularly give to the local community center; in fact the boys will throw nothing away. Every piece of clothing that they outgrow is earmarked for that center. From the time they entered school we taught them about giving and never failed to put a dollar in that Salvation Army bucket even in the hardest of times. The boys love to put their quarters in the charity jars wherever we go and if there was a volunteer opportunity either at school or at our religious institution the entire family took part. We always had the boys watch the news and learn what is happening in the world. We taught them that they are obligated in this world to give back to others.</div><div style="color: #111111; font-family: Calibri, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">This has always been our philosophy. We, as Americans, are some of the luckiest people in history of the human race. We are the politically freest and economically freest. We can do, believe, and create anything that our own imaginations will allow us. The only thing that can stand in our way is ourselves. There are ways to accomplish anything you want to accomplish you just need to figure it out, and believe you me it is out there if you want it bad enough and look hard enough. We Americans, as a people, are blessed and with those blessing comes obligations to help others who have less than we do. (By the way, privately we are some of the most generous people on the planet.)</div><div style="color: #111111; font-family: Calibri, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Of course this does not mean that you do not live well, or educate yourselves, or even enjoy your life. But what it means is that you learn the difference between need and want and where the line truly should be drawn. It is not necessarily an easy thing to explain to a child or even to figure out for yourself as an adult, but it is possible to live and think and realize that there are ways to better your own soul.</div><div style="color: #111111; font-family: Calibri, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">We have taught the boys to give financially to charities of their choice from the time they were very little. From the time they were small they have received a lot of money from relatives at this time of year. In fact that is generally what they receive in lieu of gifts. The truth of the matter is that our children have never wanted for anything and other than a few video games and Pokémon or Yugiyoh cards, nothing ever was very important to them. So relatives were told to give them cash at this time of the year and we would use if for when the boys decided on what they would like. Listen you can have just so many sweaters, or pairs of jeans or sneakers before it just becomes déclassé.</div><div style="color: #111111; font-family: Calibri, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Well since we happen to have a lot of relatives the money added up very quickly. In fact, it ended up being just too much money for small children. The reality is that the boys did not need to use that money for necessities; this was entirely money for “fun.” We just couldn’t see the boys throwing all that money away on junk that the next day they would either forget about or not like anymore. So we came up with a plan.</div><div style="color: #111111; font-family: Calibri, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">We call it the thirds plan. They got to keep 1/3 of the money. (Ok if it still ended being a lot of money it was greatly reduced. They being children had no real idea of how much money it was anyway and we could direct it how we felt it best.) Then 1/3 got put in their college fund and 1/3, they had to send to a charity or charities of their choice.</div><div style="color: #111111; font-family: Calibri, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">I remember one day I was watching Oprah and she had just started the Angel Network. The boys were very intrigued by where the money went and I came up with the 1/3 plan right at that moment. It has worked out well over the years. They of course decided to give their money to that charity that year. Over the years as they have grown, they have participated in food and clothing drives at school, learned about the <a href="http://liveunited.org/" style="color: #29315b; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline;">United Way</a> and the <a href="http://www.ajli.org/" style="color: #29315b; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline;">Junior League</a>. They watched commercials on television and wanted to give to the <a href="http://www.smiletrain.org/" style="color: #29315b; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline;">Smile Train</a>, <a href="http://aspca.org/" style="color: #29315b; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline;">ASPCA</a>, <a href="http://www.wishingwellusa.org/" style="color: #29315b; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline;">Wishing Well</a>, and <a href="http://www.toysfortots.org/" style="color: #29315b; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline;">Toys for Tots</a> (to name just a few). Many of today’s high schools even have a community service requirement for graduation. Unfortunately our school does not have such a requirement but there are charity clubs to join. They both have joined <a href="http://www.savedarfur.org/" style="color: #29315b; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline;">Save Darfur</a>, <a href="http://www.amnesty.org/" style="color: #29315b; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline;">Amnesty International</a>, and the general all purpose charity clubs, gathering food for the local food bank, making sandwiches for the children of local inmates at a prison near us for visiting day, packaging medical supplies for Africa and Haiti, participating in <a href="http://www.habitat.org/" style="color: #29315b; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline;">Habitat for Humanity</a>. Now none of these activities takes up a tremendous amount of time, but it important that they give some time.</div><div style="color: #111111; font-family: Calibri, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">One of the ways that the boys learned to do this is actually by watching us, the parents over all the years. I spent many an hour volunteering at the schools that they attended. I participated in everything from being the library monitor, to helping create printed bound versions of stories that 2nd graders had written, to planning the thank you lunch for the teachers, to being the class go to parent for everything from trip chaperone to party planner. (I vividly remember a big hug from my oldest for being the party mom for his 5th grade graduation party.) And in my final PTA foray the high school treasurer (not my best 2 years) and welcome wagon chairperson for new families. The husband would tag along with the boys when chaperones were needed for large charity projects too. This way they learned that everything isn’t always about work too.</div><div style="color: #111111; font-family: Calibri, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">We also like to take the boys out of their comfort zone and have them do things that they have not done before. One year we helped at a local Catholic church to set up a Christmas Day lunch for people living in homeless shelters. By this time they were teens and found the experience very rewarding. They organized toys, clothes and set up the tables, chairs and decorations. Interestingly the church did not need us on Christmas Day as they had more than enough volunteers for then. (I think a very nice indication of the type of people who live in that neighborhood.)</div><div style="color: #111111; font-family: Calibri, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">The truth of the matter is that the lessons you teach your children from the time they are very young, are the ones that they learn and learn well. We have always taught the boys to give to charity and to understand how lucky they were. We have taught them that their blessings obligate them to give to those less fortunate, just as they make a wonderful life for themselves. We taught them that you could always better yourself no matter what you do and no matter how much you give.</div><div style="color: #111111; font-family: Calibri, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Now this did backfire on us one day. I came home one day and as usual I checked my credit card on line. Having been a victim of credit card theft I am obsessed about making sure that the charges on my cards are in line with reality and that no thief has access to my credit. So I went on line and saw an unusual charge for a charity. At least I thought it was a charity and called the 800 number associated with the charge. Yep, I was right a charity. Now I had not made a new donation and neither had the husband. I decided to confront the boys. Didn’t think some stranger would steal my card to give money away instead of charging a Barbados vacation. It turned out that my oldest had decided that I had not given enough to a particular charity so after he had given his 1/3 of his holiday money he added some more of my money to the pot.</div><div style="color: #111111; font-family: Calibri, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Did he know what he was doing was wrong? Apparently since he went into my email and deleted the confirmation emails that were sent. So he definitely was trying to hide what he had done. The only problem was he didn’t realize that we received bills. How he thought we knew how to pay the amount due I never actually got a straight answer. However, he learned another lesson that day. That taking money that does not belong to you and giving it away to a charity is still stealing. Kiddo lost his 1/3 of “game money” and had to do chores to make up for the rest of the money spent. No, we did not call and cancel the donation. Thought that would be disgusting. Luckily, he hadn’t given away so much that he spent our mortgage payment. But he did get a lesson in budgeting and how you have to pay your bills as an adult before you give all your money away.</div><div style="color: #111111; font-family: Calibri, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">So this is one of my favorite stories. In fact no matter whom I tell this story to they usually crack up laughing. Children steal their parent’s credit card for expensive sneakers, video games or an iPod. My child stole to give away to a charity. Guess you can’t make these things up. The stealing part not so good, but the charity part I am pretty proud of. Meanwhile he definitely learned his lesson about taking my credit card no matter what the reason.</div><div style="color: #111111; font-family: Calibri, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">The truth is that your children do learn from you and your actions. If you want them to have a good understanding of the difference between need and want you need to set the example. If you want your children to give to charities and help out those less fortunate you need to spend some of your time doing the same. Just because we live in a materialistic society doesn’t mean that your children need to value things over duty. That is up to you and your duty to them. By the way I didn’t mention that both of my boys have aspergers syndrome, a form of autism. See there is a no reason to not teach values, morals and ethics.</div><div style="color: #111111; font-family: Calibri, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Happy Holidays.</div><div style="color: #111111; font-family: Calibri, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Elise<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />aka aspergers2mom</div><div><br />
</div>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-70887658281690751832010-12-14T14:50:00.001-08:002010-12-14T14:50:23.650-08:00What is The Coffee Klatch - Pierrette and Lorna d'Entremont<div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><strong><span style="color: #073763;">Marianne Russo</span></strong>, the founder of The Coffee Klatch explains: "A virtual cup of coffee with parents of special needs children. Our goal is to offer support, information, education and inspiration to the parents given the life unexpected, the life with a special needs child."</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;">Their web site:<strong><span style="color: #0b5394;"> </span></strong><a href="http://thecoffeeklatch.com/" style="color: #355891; text-decoration: none;"><strong><span style="color: #0b5394;">http://thecoffeeklatch.com/</span></strong></a><strong><span style="color: #0b5394;"> </span></strong>states : "The Coffee Klatch is an interactive forum on Blog Talk Radio and Twitter bringing you expert guests including award winning authors, doctors, psychologists, advocates and representatives from the world's most respected children's organizations. We feature daily topics for all disabilities b</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;">oth physical and emotional."</div></div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;">You are your child's best advocate, if not you then who, become an informed educated parent.</div></div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_coC5Q41walw/TPFrgFStSZI/AAAAAAAAAiI/PSrxTfivOvc/s1600/Marrianne.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; color: #355891; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="121" ox="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_coC5Q41walw/TPFrgFStSZI/AAAAAAAAAiI/PSrxTfivOvc/s200/Marrianne.jpg" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; padding-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px; position: relative;" width="200" /></a>Meet share laugh and take some time for yourself. Join the moderators:<strong><span style="color: #073763;"> ~ Elise ~ Pierrette left ~ Jane ~ Chuck below ~ Marianne right</span></strong></div></div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_coC5Q41walw/TPPEAzWsHSI/AAAAAAAAAiQ/slksPMd805Q/s1600/rouge+pi.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #355891; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" ox="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_coC5Q41walw/TPPEAzWsHSI/AAAAAAAAAiQ/slksPMd805Q/s1600/rouge+pi.bmp" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; padding-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px; position: relative;" /></a><strong><span style="color: #073763;">Twitter (Tweetchat):</span></strong><a href="http://tweetchat.com/room/tck" style="color: #355891; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #073763;">http://tweetchat.com/room/tck</span></a><span style="color: #073763;"> </span>Monday Tuesday Thursday 9-10:30 am EST</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_coC5Q41walw/TPPDje1TjcI/AAAAAAAAAiM/2wWVrLzkZCM/s1600/chuck.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; color: #355891; float: right; height: 83px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-decoration: none; width: 74px;"><img border="0" ox="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_coC5Q41walw/TPPDje1TjcI/AAAAAAAAAiM/2wWVrLzkZCM/s1600/chuck.jpg" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; padding-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px; position: relative;" /></a><strong><span style="color: #073763;">Blog Talk Radio</span></strong> and Twitter:<span style="color: #073763;"> </span><a href="http://www.blogtalkradio.com/the-coffee-klatch" style="color: #355891; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #073763;">http://www.blogtalkradio.com/the-coffee-klatch</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><strong> </strong></span>Wednesday and Sunday 9 pm EST</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><strong><span style="color: #073763;">Blog:</span></strong> This fine group does not only Tweet or Chat...check out their inspirational posts here: <a href="http://thecoffeeklatchblog.blogspot.com/" style="color: #355891; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #073763;">http://thecoffeeklatchblog.blogspot.com/</span></a><span style="color: #073763;"></span></div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium;"><strong><span style="color: #073763;">Facebook:</span></strong><span style="color: #990000;"> </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000689323812&ref=profile#!/group.php?gid=302086692737" style="color: #355891; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #073763;">http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000689323812&ref=profile#!/group.php?gid=302086692737</span></a></div></div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><strong><span style="color: #073763;">Twitter:</span><span style="color: #990000;"> </span></strong><a href="http://twitter.com/thecoffeeklatch" style="color: #355891; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #073763;">http://twitter.com/thecoffeeklatch</span></a></div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><strong><span style="color: #073763;">The Coffee Klatch Guests Daily</span></strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;">:</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="color: #990000;"><strong> </strong></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="http://paper.li/TheCoffeeKlatch/the-coffee-klatch-guests" style="color: #355891; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #073763;">http://paper.li/TheCoffeeKlatch/the-coffee-klatch-guests</span></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><strong><span style="color: #073763;">A 'One of a Kind' Event:</span></strong> Nov 1st, 2010 <span class="long-title" dir="ltr" id="eow-title" title="Communicate To Educate A 24 Hour International Event For Autism"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong><span style="color: #073763;">Communicate To Educate</span></strong> A 24 Hour International Event For Autism. See more<strong><span style="color: #073763;"> </span></strong><a href="http://kidcompanions.blogspot.com/2010/10/coffee-klatch-explains-its-nov-1st.html" style="color: #355891; text-decoration: none;"><strong><span style="color: #073763;">here</span></strong></a> The following is a link to a video Marianne made of the numerous moderators, some who gave hours of their time, to this remarkable event:<span style="color: #073763;"> </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLiuhahxeGQ" style="color: #355891; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #073763;">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLiuhahxeGQ</span></a><span style="color: #073763;"> </span></span></span></div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><strong><span style="color: #073763;">What is NEW</span></strong></div><div style="border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: medium; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: medium; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: medium; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: medium; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><span class="UIStory_Message">The first<span style="color: #0b5394;"> <strong>"Your Chat"</strong></span> a new format on The Coffee Klatch starts Tuesday December 7th. You tell us what you want to discuss. Please post your requests on their Facebook page, on Twitter or feel free to message on Facebook or DM on Twitter if you want it kept confidential.</span></div><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><br />
</span></div>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-39210372771357521772010-12-14T14:46:00.001-08:002010-12-14T14:46:15.306-08:00You Gotta Get In The Game - Chuck Walley<div class="main" style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><div style="line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">One of my favorite memories of the past football season as to do with a young man on the team – “Good.” I call him this because, when we stood next to each other, good things happened on the field. I met him in the spring at a football camp and instantly liked him. He had an air of innocence, with a scraggly beard. Good has Asperger’s. (No one told me as much, but there was no need.)</div><div style="line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Fast forward to a Friday night in early September. The team was warming up on the field with Good sitting on the bench. I sat next to him, offered gum and <em style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">tried</em> to start some chitchat. I was curious as to why he wasn’t in uniform for the game. “I missed practice this week.” He was bummed, so we spoke about his role on the sideline. I told him, “You gotta be in the game. You gotta be there for your buddies. You gotta have their back, pump them up. You’re part of the team, you gotta be in the game.”</div><div style="line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">As the team took the field, Good had tears running down his cheeks. I stuck next to him. “Gotta get in the game. Gotta stay in the game, cheer your buddies on.”</div><div style="line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">As the half wore on and as half-time approached, I asked Good if he was going to the locker room. “No.” “No, why not? You’re part of this team. It’s your job to support your buddies. C’mon, you come in with me.”</div><div style="line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">So we went. He went into the locker room with the team, I stayed outside the doors, out of the way. 15 minutes later, the marches out the door for the second half. Good is dressed in his uniform. <em style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Cool, the coaches let him get dressed for the second half. Really cool of them.</em></div><div style="line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">The second half started and the teams struggle back and forth. I see Good sitting on the bench. “Good, you gotta support your buddies, you gotta get into the game.” Good stands, put on his helmet, but has this look in his eyes like “Are you sure?”</div><div style="line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">It hits me. I ask “Good, which coach told you to put your pads on.” Good replies “You did!”</div><div style="line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Duh! Hello! Literal! – “Get in the game!” I meant “Stand on the sidelines. Cheer. Support your buddies.” He heard “<em style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Get in the game</em>.” I should’ve known better.</div><div style="line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">I explain to Good, I’m the assistant water boy, not a coach. I also assured him I’m explain to his coaches what happened and he wouldn’t get in trouble, because at this point, he was really worried.</div><div style="line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Don’t worry, it all worked out – and I relearned a lesson. I gotta get in and stay in the game.</div><div style="line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><em style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></em></div></div><div class="meta group" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #f3f3f3; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-top-color: rgb(187, 187, 187); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 30px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px;"><div class="signature" style="border-right-color: rgb(187, 187, 187); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; float: left; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 15px; padding-top: 0px; width: 200px;"></div></div>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-7020454227018773302010-11-29T20:36:00.000-08:002010-11-29T20:36:18.057-08:00Communicate To Educate A 24 Hour International Event For Autism Hosted By The Coffee Klatch<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dznKGXkelnMi6HjA0YiVKqSwdRgaEZqHp8N4UuE4agvFuEvJ-JhqpbIjKUqrjDxFOmFPGupBH2-VeuC7pk' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-60600033117719294502010-11-04T06:07:00.000-07:002010-11-04T06:08:31.553-07:00Autism's Sole Criteria: Human by EliseParticipating in the 24 hour Communicate to Educate event from The Coffee Klatch (link on the sidebar) was a very exciting experience. We had almost 75 guest moderators who shared their lives, experiences and insights with all of us. Our reach was global and our participants from all corners of the world. It only proved the point that autism is one of the truly nondiscriminatory things that can happen to a person. It doesn’t care what your skin color is. It doesn’t care what religion you are or if you even have a religion. It doesn’t care what country you come from or your ethnic background. It doesn’t care how you vote, or if you can even vote. It doesn’t care how rich or poor you are. The only thing that autism cares about is the fact that you, your children or someone you love is human. That is its only criteria for bringing itself into your life and the life of your family.<br /><br />Because autism, itself, is universal, I found that the issues that surround autism are universal as well. Parents constantly try to figure out just what they did wrong, how did they cause this to happen to their children? What is it about the pregnancy or perhaps parental age that triggered this genetic predisposition? What could I have done differently? Why am I so sad? Am I selfish to be angry? Am I a horrible parent to not want this for my child and am I one of those parents who needs a perfect child? Is it mostly about the child or am I so angry because of how autism changed my life so much?<br /><br /><br />Then we moved on to questions of care and support. What can I do when they are little? How important is early intervention? How many therapies should they get? Which are the best ones and how do they work? Can someone tell me about medications, they frighten me? How do I know which ones are the right ones for my child or for me? What do I do with the diets and supplements? How important is the proper supports to their success? Did the fact that I missed this disability and they didn’t get early intervention doom their future?<br /><br />Then there are the typical school questions. What kind of school should they go to? Is mainstream better or self-contained? How do I make sure that they are safe in school? How do I make sure that the school understands how smart they are? How do I make the school realize that autistic children are not like NT in behavior? How can I stop them from applying a zero-tolerance policy to children who don’t get the social nuances? How do I get them to understand my child’s sensory issues? How do I get them to take the social deficits seriously? How do I get the school to realize that aspergers is autism? When do I need to hire a lawyer and sue? How do I get the school to protect my child from bullies? How do I make those charged with my child’s welfare to care and watch over him/her for those crucial 8-9 hours everyday?<br /><br /> Then of course, there are the interactive family questions. How do I keep my marriage? How do I keep related to my other children? How do I keep related to myself? How do I not loose myself while I try to save my child? How do I make family members understand that this is not a phase and my child is not spoiled? How do I get family members to read a damn book on the subject before giving advice about something they know nothing about? How do I get out of Sunday dinner at grandma’s house because my child will only have a meltdown and it will be miserable for everyone? How do I explain to my parents that Christmas morning is no longer Christmas morning without taking from my parents their dreams too? How do I get grandma and grandpa to understand that my child loves them even if they don’t like being hugged and kissed? How do I remind myself that because my child can’t say I love you, that there is a lot of love inside my child? How do I remind people that it is MY LOVE for MY CHILD that will propel me forward forever?<br /><br /><br />Well we chatted and tweeted and helped each other. When we couldn’t find an answer we tweeted a HUG because sometimes that is all we can offer each other. One other thing I also learned over the last 24 hours, if I wasn’t sure of it before, is that sometimes, there are no answers. Sometimes you really need to fly by the seat of your pants. Think out of the box and discover for ourselves the answer(s) for our children. Someday the world may find the answers for these universal questions. But until that time it is important to remember to keep asking the right questions. For without these questions we will never know the answers.<br /><br /><br />Until next time,<br /><br />EliseThe Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-42889087006165509922010-10-29T09:40:00.000-07:002010-11-05T06:50:51.422-07:00Communicate to Educate a 24 hour Autism Event - Why we are offering this optionAs with everything else in the Autism community there is division as to what is best, perhaps the reason is in the diversity of the disorder itself. I am the founder of The Coffee Klatch and respect the opinions of all. There is validity to any attempt to raise awareness for Autism and I respect and welcome all and wish the "Shut Down" campaign much success. It is our position, based on the wishes of the many adults on the spectrum, advocates and parents who have reached out to us ,as well as our own personal opinions that shutting down communication is not the answer. I actually feel that the “Shut Down” effort is in large population doing quite the opposite, encouraging those with a voice in Autism to speak even louder. My goal is to encourage those who truly want to understand the challenges and struggles as well as the incredible brilliance and gifts of Autism to be educated by the the best advocates, experts, authors, therapy providers, parents and most importantly those on the spectrum, to come together in one place for an entire day to “Communicate”. I am very proud of the overwhelming response to our invitations to those to be Guest Moderators. The line up is impressive. We have chosen to do the event totally on Twitter verses our Blog Talk Radio to ensure that everyone has a chance to interact. With education will come compassion and acceptance – It’s time. In the end we all have the same goal - to raise awareness. And on November 1st 2010 whether you shut down or shout out - we will all be working towards that goal. <br /><br /><br />Please see the new statement regarding the Shut Down effort from the organizers:<br />https://communicationshutdown.org/?view=more-info<br /><br />Communicate to Educate at The Coffee Klatch respects their efforts and wish them much success. I personally want to thank them for acknowledging our event as well as Autism Speaking Day and for showing mutual respect and unity, something the Autism Community needs. We are proud to be a part of this important day. Today you have to make a choice – “Will I raise awareness of Autism?” How you choose to participate does not matter, Shut Down or Shout out but please, do something, participate.<br /><br />Marianne Russo<br /><br />Thank you for helping make the event a tremendous success. The over 50 experts, advocates and guest moderators who participated created many poignant moments. Thousands of participants came, spoke out and were heard. I have been in contact with the organizer of "Communication Shutdown" to offer my congratulations on their event and to offer continued support and unity. Our goal was to raise awareness of Autism, dispel the myth about people living on the spectrum and give Autism a voice. I am very proud to say that on November 1st, we did just that.The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-78108814463006709192010-10-19T07:09:00.000-07:002010-10-19T07:11:11.260-07:00Holidays Ring Hollow for some Special Needs Children by Lorna d'entremontLorna d"entremont is a frequent contributor and guest host on The Coffee Klatch. She is also the mother of Pierrette and is a very active advocate and mentor to all of us. Honored to feature one of her writings here. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Holidays and celebrations, like Easter, Thanksgiving, and birthdays, should be a happy time in families. When I think back to those days of celebration, when our children were growing up, the memories I have are not at all happy ones.<br /><br />If I had known what I know now about my child’s sensory issues, we surely would have done things differently. Thirty years ago Sensory Perception Disorder was not talked about, not written about and certainly could not be googled, tweeted and discussed on Facebook.<br /><br />Being the oldest one of our family and having a huge kitchen, it always fell on my shoulders to welcome relatives and share a meal for these occasions. So this scenario has many reruns with a few different scenes and endings. However, in retrospect, the main theme was always the “Perfect Storm” for a highly sensitive child.<br /><br />Let’s walk through a typical ‘special day’ of celebration. In our home, we would all rush about to get ready to attend a church service. Like was the tradition back then, going to church meant wearing your ‘Sunday Best’. To a sensitive child that meant stiff, itchy, ready to scream uncomfortable clothes and shoes!<br /><br /><br />*Picture of oldest, now, with three children of her own--one who has sensitive issues- <br />but now we KNOW!<br /><br />So some sounds are hard to endure for these children. To her, the high pitched voice of the choir member singing the solos was like the screech of a nail on a blackboard. And did I mention the church bells, especially the smaller ones that ping, ding and dong during the service. Now let’s listen to the human noises that make this poor child shiver in her black patent leather shoes with the tight little straps. Coughing, sneezing, blowing noses…what torture for a sensitive child to be surrounded by such noises.<br /><br />Special occasions in church come with huge, colorful , flower arrangements. To a sensitive nose the mixture of the sent of flowers, ladies’ perfumes, men’s aftershave, leather coats and burning candles all make for a nauseated feeling accompanied by an awful headache. <br /><br />To this child who does not want to bring attention to herself in any circumstances, walking up the church aisle, going to communion and greeting the other church goers after the service must have been her own little crucifixion. And added to that were the photo taking sessions at home, the gift unwrapping done one by one while all the others watch, the endless questions by well meaning relatives and the requests to play the piano for the ‘happy gang’. <br /><br />Finally it is time to eat. Table is nicely set, guests are seated, food is plated and begins another round of agony for the sensitive one to sit through. The oldest member of the relatives is deaf and very set in his ways. The preparation of his cup of tea is another irritation for the one sensitive to high pitched sounds. With his spoon, he mixes his sugar while all the while tapping the sides of his cup…he is deaf so the tapping changes to bagging the sides. This is the last straw for the poor child who has kept everything in for much too long, a vocal tic like the barking of a dog is heard. The table guests become all quiet and my deaf, too old to have figured it out, father-in-law says: “ Since when do you have a dog?”<br /><br />Pain written on her face, she gets up and escapes to her room. With a lump in my throat, tears in my eyes and a vice-grip squeezing my heart, I try to make light of the situation. I connect to my robot mode to continue my role as host of another ‘special day’ that we should have celebrated differently---if I had only known.The Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8802407336516216256.post-34241518223200171252010-10-11T17:10:00.000-07:002010-10-11T17:11:09.710-07:00Changlings and Shapeshifters and Ghouls - Oh My - Adventures in OZ by EliseThis is a repost from October 2009. With Halloween just around the corner I thought it might be relevant to understand that not every holiday is for every child and that it is just fine, not withstanding some idiots who seem to think otherwise. Read the abuse heaped upon some other bloggers who openly told how their special needs children do not celebrate Halloween in a typical manner. (here, here). Sometimes just when I think society has started to grow-up it never fails to amaze me just how far we still have to go.<br /> <br />I have been hinting for several weeks about discussing our issues with Halloween. I know I have been sidetracked because of the many adventures of Collegeman and Highschoolboy and I apologize. Anyway here goes the wonderful reminiscences of my years of trick-or-treating. I have to tell you that my favorite picture in the whole world is the one I referenced in the earlier post Changing Your Dreams: Life With an Autistic Child. It's the one where collegeman and highschoolboy are still really little. Highschoolboy was even still in diapers. He was dressed as his favorite character in the whole world, Winnie-the-Pooh and Collegeman was superman. I love this picture for the total parental reason that they look so cute and adorable. But if you look really close, what you can also see is a look of unsureness on highschoolboy's face. He seems to be saying to himself "I am not to sure about this costume thing." Now highschoolboy had not been diagnosed yet, so as much as we were aware, unfortunately it wasn't until much later that we picked up all the signals.<br /><br />Highschoolboy had always been terrified of clowns. Not just the child afraid of the scary looking man with the balloons, but a down right terrifying Nightmare on Elm Street kind of fear. If a clown showed up at a party highschoolboy had to leave. If a clown showed up at pre-school he could not go to the assembly. I had been assured by the pediatrician that alot of children are afraid of clowns. So I thought nothing of it. It wasn't until recently that a person I follow on twitter who has aspergers explained to me that it was a very common fear among autistic children. The distortion of the facial features is very confusing. Who knew, another misheggas (nonsense) that our children get to deal with.<br /><br />But what I had not figured out at the time of that Halloween picture is that absolute fear that this holiday engendered in my son. It was not the ghosts and goblins. He knew like any child that they were not really real. He knows that Dorothy doesn't travel to OZ and that the Wizard is not a real person. (However, we do know that the Wicked Witch of the West exists, we just can't melt her with water.) But he really believed that when people put on masks and costumes they transformed, shape-shifted like a changeling, into those ghouls for the day. He thought that there was some magical power that the "Halloween Aura" had over the masks so that people's personalities were transformed into those monsters or characters. So every year when he went trick-or-treating and put on a costume, he would make sure to only wear part of the costume, or no costume at all. We have pictures from several years worth of Halloweens and in each one he is very hesitant and looked frightened. Again we thought nothing of it-made excuses, like he had an ear infection or was coming down with a cold. He never ever said anything. Just thought it was a kid thing, you know a little more intense than the average child, but that is highschoolboy.<br /><br />Finally he admitted (sometime during the middle of elementary school) that he was afraid and did not want to trick-or-treat. We assured him that he did not have to. It wasn't a requirement of being an American kid. Well, I can't tell you the relief he had that year. I felt so bad that here for all these years we had made this child do something that really terrified him because we thought he was having fun. I tell you guilt has a way of creeping right into that little nugget called your brain and wrenching you inside out and upside down. What a mommy-moron I had been. Still beat myself up over this one. (Can you tell?) I had thought I was on top of things. Boy did I learn the hard way to pay better attention to the signals my kids give off.<br /><br />Now over the years, once we understood the issues, we informed the schools to be on the lookout for him getting upset. They have more than obliged. They made extra sure to watch him and keep him happy. There were even a few times that I kept him home if there was going to be a Halloween party at school. I guess that shows just how afraid he was. A kid giving up candy and cupcakes and a party in school. What we did do at home, however, was for him to help give out the candy. He actually really likes that. He didn't have to wear a costume and he got to participate in the holiday.<br /><br />I have to tell everyone though, the anxiety this holiday causes him has not really gone away. I still have to remind him that kids will be wearing costumes to school for Halloween and that if he gets upset to go to the nurse. He assures me that he is OK now. That he can handle the confusion. I guess maybe that is a large part of it too.The rules are thrown out and kids behave badly. Nothing is what he is used to and change and a lack of order are not somethings that makes him happy. Hopefully he understands what happens on Halloween. That today there will be hijinks and silliness. That some rules will be broken. That masks don't turn you into the undead. Maybe those are the rules for Halloween he has learned to follow. So he is more comfortable with the holiday today.<br /><br />Luckily the school where highschoolboy attends does not broker too much nonsense. So he will not feel so overwhelmed. It also happens to be one of his lighter class schedule days today. So everything will be easier. I know however, that in the back of his head he is like Dorothy knowing that for safety and security "there is no place like home."<br /><br />For some really good ideas on how to have a modified and happy Halloween, read this post by Shannon Des Roches Rosa at The Thinking Person's Guide to Autism.<br />Until next time,<br />Elise<br />PostedThe Coffee Klatchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10029366490778451360noreply@blogger.com7